true confessions part 1

an illustration for laminated place mats - Tuscany

I want to make some changes in my life, in fact I want to change many things and have wanted to change them, well, forever it seems. Even though this list of things has been in existence for years I do believe that one day I am going to snap out of whatever funk it is that I'm in and step by step, little by little, drawer by drawer, shelf by shelf, room by room I will have a house that I am proud of. I don't now. In fact I would prefer that my friends not come to my house I want them to wait until I'm ready, until I'm done ... and well .... they've been waiting a long time.

I have one room in my house that's close to perfect, pretty much finished (with the exception of new curtains, a prettier duvet and maybe more art on the walls) - it's my guest room. Just in case I do actually allow someone to come and stay with me at least they'll see that I have it in me, in me to have a beautiful, comfortable home that speaks of who I am. The house I live in now, every where I look, every corner and nook, there is a project either half finished or waiting to be begun. I have a big pantry cupboard filled with tools and supplies that I've purchased for many a planned project. I have cans of paint that by the time I get around to dragging them out to finally paint with them, I've changed my mind and would like a different colour. I have plans and plans and more plans and I can see all these finished projects and rooms so clearly in my mind ... I just have a terrible time actually doing, the things, that need to be done.

With my work (a reasonably successful one woman product/graphic design company, going into my seventh year) I am almost completely opposite. I am meticulous, extremely deadline driven, neat and fairly organized. I'm a perfectionist. Heaven forbid someone not be thrilled with the job I've done for them. I don't understand why I can't become my own customer ? ?

I'm hoping by mentioning and perhaps documenting this struggle in my blog that it will help motivate me. That I'll feel more accountable to someone (the ether ?). I have been SO inspired by so many of the blogs that I visit on a daily basis. Blogs that document homes, gardens, rooms, projects and DIY renos. One in particular, because I love their flea market chic style and mad obsessive collection of interesting stuff, is Day at a Glance their style is a style that I love one I'd love to live with.

Sigh!! I feel better already. I know that I have a few loyal readers and I would not want them to have a faux impression of moi. So I think this true confession post is/will be very liberating. The quest begins today, my big quest! and hopefully you'll come along with me.

Today I will tackle the tool, supplies, paint & stuff cabinets (progress report tomorrow). Two large cabinets in the laundry room that are filled to the brim with stuff - many useful things, many repeat purchases (I can't find the hammer), many cans of paint and lots of other (?) stuff -pack rat junk. I'm a bit of a junior hoarder, thankfully not a full blown hoarder (yet). I save stuff. I save the elastics from broccoli, I dutifully remove the packing tape from the big boxes of clumping kitty litter, flatten the boxes and stash them, for future use (pause ?). Why make the simple trip to the NSLC or grocery story for a pile of boxes when you can save your own supply (?) - you're getting the picture. I will need to have my tools organized, see what I have, what I may need to pick up before we can tackle the first project - which will be the downstairs teeny weeny half bath or most recently - the killing grounds.

Another dead mouse :-( Another crash bang boom, growling kittens, all out hunting fest, again in the laundry room and small half bathroom just off the laundry room. And this time, it all went down early last evening while I was watching a pre-taped episode of Oprah and whizzing through the commercials, as I love to do. Once again I tried in vain to trap the little mouse so that I could set it free outside and once again the results of my failure to save it awaited me this morning as I trudged downstairs to the sounds of the last gurgles and sputters of my coffee machine. A very dead little mouse on the kitchen floor. I've discovered that it's Mr. Aloofness - Gussie Gus that is the keen, ruthless hunter. The cat that I practically forget lives here because I never see him. For Oliver (the other kitten - actually they are 1 1/2 years old but will likely be called kittens forever or at least until new kittens arrive to live here at Black Street) all this hunting business is just a game, life is a game for Oliver but last night I saw a side of Gus that was pure, wild, dwarf cougar.