yikes !

Saturday, January 15, 2011

the gasp inducing, oh my how beautiful ! collage works of Valerie Roybal

I've been looking for my self. My creative self.

I've pretty much given up looking for the other assorted selfs that occupy space in my head. I've decided to let them run free, roam about, it's completely exhausting constantly trying to keep them under control or to try and be dictating to them who or what they should or shouldn't be. When honestly I don't know. Sigh. A good portion of the time I don't even care anymore, ahhhh la luxury, it seems, of age, of wisdom, of experience and of age - did I mention age ?

I am, however, looking for my creative self. Looking High & low, East & West, North & South (or I would be looking in those directions if I had any sense of direction at all). I do still troll the lands of wonder (les internet) daily, through and around the amazing plethora of mostly women creatives who blog, who craft, who paint, who collage, who draw, who run their own little cottage industries out of their homes, who are all following the same path, dreaming the same dream as me and I am stunned daily but the talent ... by the inspiration that I find. At times the awe I feel almost makes me want to throw in my own personal creative towel but thankfully never quite and mostly because it feels too late ... I'm committed to this path I'm on, for now anyway, in many ways it's like I am starting again at the beginning ... a little late-ish in life.

I recently asked my self what is the difference between Art & Design ? A fairly weighty query but then weighty queries and me - we're pretty tight. I decided that they both were about communication Design (especially graphic design) communicating a message for an audience that you may have no affinity with, in fact the message itself may mean nothing to you. A designer uses their tools of inspiration, composition, colour, typography, illustration, photography and/or not to communicate the message reasonable clearly and also hopefully in a memorable appealing way. Artists are also communicating a message, perhaps more personal, and often less tangible message, but this time, I think the desire would be to have much greater affinity with the audience. I can feel my head beginning to throb at this point in the pondering (slight dramatic exaggeration), this is where the answers become fuzzy - what do I have to say ? what do I wish to communicate ? and how on earth would I like to say it ? to express it ???

So much inspires me. So much creative work I come across, like the gorgeous collages I've posted today, make the little voice in my head say Oh darn why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I do work like that ? And once again I remind myself that the answers to these rather large in weight, and annoying like gnats, questions & thoughts will not be found by pondering - ever but rather by doing ... by making ... by letting those other little selfs out the door Shoo! Scram! out ya go ? Beat it! Have fun! Stay out of Trouble please and be back for supper and ...
by playing, lots more playing, not sure why that feels so scary ?



  1. this was a good post to read. its the same thing here only in my brain its becoming a kind of freaked out shriek about *money* and the catch 22's involved in getting it -mostly spending on the risk of getting.

    i agree that visiting creative pages inspire me to get my game on! this page is a must see because i love reading about your "who am i and where am i going" - these words are art and design because they are personal and yet so universal that almost everyone reading here today will identify with the questions.

    i like the collages too - the long strips more so than the chunkier ones.

    well done, you.

  2. OMG you're reading my mind "again" from the sweetest lil' art studio nestled away & tucked in the Blue Ridge Forest

    "spending, spending, spending on the risk of making" is the tune stuck in a groove and playing at volume 10+ in my brain "so" much lately & all the time. Is it an investment or is it frivolous ??? will it come back to me in spades or am I throwing good $$$ away ???

    any sugah daddies out there reading who don't require any sugah ??? ;-)

    I enjoy your company on this Empire building road. Happy Weekend !! xoS

  3. listen, its worse than that even. I might apply for a job at the apple store in atl. helping people learn how to use iLife stuff. no joke. that means no garden, no more time for chickens, no more country life. I will be like every other poor schmuck in the world inching along on some slab to some box for $ . Im trying not to cry. except i probably couldnt get the job at the apple store as i have no piercings but do have wrinkles. I am now old enough to not be hired in a whole lot of scenarios...and there are very few job jobs i am qualified to do and they all suck! if i can just make it to summer....

    (maybe this would make a better email)

  4. me too !! my choices are the grocery store, the hardware store, les convenience stores - Arrrgggghhhhhh !

    Can you say emplyment opportunities in a teeny village population 800 ? With me it's not (entirely) the "snob" factor (the hey I have 2 degrees and 25 years of experience - so what-ness ?), or the incredibly minimum, minimum wage (less than 10. per hour) but the being forced to continually deal with human beings day in day out, hour by hour - I think, honestly it would kill me.

    But those days, I'm afraid, are racing toward me as well. For what it's worth - I think you would fit in tres well at the genuis bar.

  5. Are you exploring what you are now or another artist/design direction? Both are fascinating endeavors that you are well provisioned for.

  6. My mind works along many of the same paths, Susan, but you are many, many steps ahead of me. You have such a plentiful inner life and I love to read your words as you talk about it.
    You have skills way above me but I have many of the same feelings about wanting... needing to create and express something, but not sure what that something is.
    I am the same as you... it would kill me to have to deal with other people all day. I have had jobs like that before and I think it has made me withdraw into my shell permanently.
    As Chickory said, many people will identify with your words... I know I do.

  7. merci ! Sham

    and Judy your comment makes me feel very good - makes me want to continue to share "even more" of those multitudes of selfs here ... without shame or regret.

    I'm thinking that the answers to the questions we are asking ourselves will only come if we are open, honest & vulnerable and especially to perceived failure(s).

    I'm supposed to be reorganizing my office ... better get to it ! xo S


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