yikes !

the gasp inducing, oh my how beautiful ! collage works of Valerie Roybal

I've been looking for my self. My creative self.

I've pretty much given up looking for the other assorted selfs that occupy space in my head. I've decided to let them run free, roam about, it's completely exhausting constantly trying to keep them under control or to try and be dictating to them who or what they should or shouldn't be. When honestly I don't know. Sigh. A good portion of the time I don't even care anymore, ahhhh la luxury, it seems, of age, of wisdom, of experience and of age - did I mention age ?

I am, however, looking for my creative self. Looking High & low, East & West, North & South (or I would be looking in those directions if I had any sense of direction at all). I do still troll the lands of wonder (les internet) daily, through and around the amazing plethora of mostly women creatives who blog, who craft, who paint, who collage, who draw, who run their own little cottage industries out of their homes, who are all following the same path, dreaming the same dream as me and I am stunned daily but the talent ... by the inspiration that I find. At times the awe I feel almost makes me want to throw in my own personal creative towel but thankfully never quite and mostly because it feels too late ... I'm committed to this path I'm on, for now anyway, in many ways it's like I am starting again at the beginning ... a little late-ish in life.

I recently asked my self what is the difference between Art & Design ? A fairly weighty query but then weighty queries and me - we're pretty tight. I decided that they both were about communication Design (especially graphic design) communicating a message for an audience that you may have no affinity with, in fact the message itself may mean nothing to you. A designer uses their tools of inspiration, composition, colour, typography, illustration, photography and/or not to communicate the message reasonable clearly and also hopefully in a memorable appealing way. Artists are also communicating a message, perhaps more personal, and often less tangible message, but this time, I think the desire would be to have much greater affinity with the audience. I can feel my head beginning to throb at this point in the pondering (slight dramatic exaggeration), this is where the answers become fuzzy - what do I have to say ? what do I wish to communicate ? and how on earth would I like to say it ? to express it ???

So much inspires me. So much creative work I come across, like the gorgeous collages I've posted today, make the little voice in my head say Oh darn why didn't I think of that? Why didn't I do work like that ? And once again I remind myself that the answers to these rather large in weight, and annoying like gnats, questions & thoughts will not be found by pondering - ever but rather by doing ... by making ... by letting those other little selfs out the door Shoo! Scram! out ya go ? Beat it! Have fun! Stay out of Trouble please and be back for supper and ...
by playing, lots more playing, not sure why that feels so scary ?

Yikes.