Sunday, November 23, 2014
my paws on Creative Director + my girl Dee's sweet face, my new screen saver / a hedge of pretty red berries along my walk to Lunenburg's every early Thursday mornings farmers market / this home's gorgeous front hallway / a map of this gorgeous & very interesting place / Oliver works so hard / the last honeysuckle blossom in my house's garden / kitchen (back) window avec fridge map / this is how they paint the historic homes here / no cats on the counter !! (of course ;-)
It's not about forgetting the past,
it's about accepting the past.
Yesterday marked the 1 week anniversary of me settling into my new home, a 6 month sublet in the heart of olde town Lunenburg. A beautiful furnished historical house, a place where I will work, explore and find my next more permanent home - here in Lunenburg I'm hoping. As I mentioned in my last post I have a big, rather time consuming creative project on the go which has kept me busy and at my desk morning through night with the exception of nearly every day forays out for exercise & exploration - it's super hilly here, straight-up hilly so it's fantastic exercise going up & down (literally) the streets. I'm very thankfully to have this project & the next to keep me occupied almost 'til Christmas as I settle in and get used to living somewhere else after living at 29 Black Street for almost 22 years.
I must say, it's been a breeze thus far - this settling in. In fact it's been so smooth, thrilling & painless that I have been poking at that "ease", picking at it - not believing it to be really true. I'd said the big goodbye to my beloved Winnie Dixon, even though we had been contemplating saying that goodbye before this winter season set in so her arthritic body would not suffer through another winter of ice, frigid cold & drifts of snow. It was hard, it was sad - for the first week I thought I'd die of missing her but it faded and I know that the decision was right (no matter how much & often I try to make myself second guess it). I've packed up all my troubles, my dreams, hopes & plans for an exciting new future along with my art supplies & my cats Oliver & Virgil and moved to a brand new place (a 3 hr drive from Black St.) and I don't feel tremendous sadness, grief ... angst. What's up with that ?? I've been anticipating a big crash & burn ... any day now, any moment ... surely it will hit me.
But it hasn't hit me. I keep wondering am I in some kind of denial about everything ? I'm pretty sure I'm not, I really don't do denial ... I much prefer full-on drama. I'm the first one to admit I can & will get myself in a state over lots of things but this transition has been simple. So ... I've decided to stop picking at how good this move has been for me, for us ... for all of us. I'll stop trying to force upset & anxiety to come for a visit. I was more than ready to move, this decision was way past due. I realize in hindsight Winnie Dixon was the final tie binding me to that former place ... that last chapter was the story of her most excellent & long life. Her spirit will be with me always, & I know she's thrilled for this new me in this new place ...
What you need to know about the past
is that no matter what has happened,
it has all worked together to bring you to
this very moment, and this is the moment
you can choose to make everything new.
Posted by Susan