care full

Friday, April 20, 2012


be love - 6 x 6 gallery wrapped mixed media - Susan Black - file under ... mediocre at best

don't cry, 
don't sigh ... dear
be love

Yesterday unexpectedly turned into a busy, spontaneous (that's a rarity here at 29 Black Street), increasingly stressful, heartbreaking-ly sad – perfect storm of badness. My kind of badness - caring too much - caring too much about things, especially for/about situations, that are out of my control (& yes I do love my control). Being too full of care - the Prince thinks that's my superpower - but I'm most often convinced it's a very nasty curse

After watching umpteen episodes of Modern Family in bed (season 2 borrowed from the library) & plying myself with Miss Vicki's kettle cooked potato chips desperately trying to medicate myself with sweet & oft hilarious comedy and salty, crunchy carbs I tossed & turned, worried & fretted the entire night away. At 5:30 when the coffee maker began to gurgle it felt like I hadn't slept a wink. I woke with a killer headache & an extreme feeling of dread helplessness & hopeless sickness. That darn Prince has been away (he's back today - hooray!) so no in-house sounding board or support except for dear sweet Oliver who slept on top of me purring softly all night - which was tres helpful.

I mention all of this because I know I'm not alone with these feelings. Those feelings that sometimes gang up on you. The thinking that surely you will not be able to stand one more sad or worrisome thing. Believing with all your might that "ignorance truly is bliss" but knowing with just as much might that that isn't who you ever want to be. Those "things" piling up, sticking to you, pinning you to the ground - making you feel completely paralyzed. Wishing so hard that I wasn't so care full.

To top it all off I spent the entire day Wednesday creating this mediocre (at best) mixed media piece. I know, I know - it's all part of the part of the process, every day can't be Christmas - every piece isn't be a masterpiece - why not !! I say. Yes there is heartbreak, sadness & injustice in my our world, there are uncaring people living amongst us. yah ! yah ! yah ! I know ... but I sure don't have to like it.























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12 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 20, 2012 at 10:43 AM

    hey, only ONE not-so-great piece after all the amazing work you've been doing lately? that's a pretty good average, my dear. not a baseball fan, but i'd say you're still batting .1000! take the weekend off to welcome the prince home, put your feet up, and enjoy the killer weather we've been having.
    xo n

    ReplyDelete
  2. Big ShamuApril 20, 2012 at 10:55 AM

    I like it. So there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. chickoryApril 20, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    I just came out of a crushing 6 week care too much bluesfest. I understand!!! I self medicated too by making pumpkin doughnuts and mac and cheese. Now I have to get out and hump a trail everyday

    ReplyDelete
  4. dianneApril 20, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Susan, I think it is absolutely beautiful, there is nothing mediocre about this painting, the colours are so fresh and pleasing to the senses.
    Warm greetings, Dianne
    xoxoxo ♡

    ReplyDelete
  5. ClaireApril 20, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    i think we may be in the same place... caring too much, feeling too much (be it beauty or pain...), not liking what we try to create...
    but thankfully we can see each other's creations... and be glad... the world IS full of caring, creative people, and i'm so glad for that - be loved xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. DeeApril 20, 2012 at 4:47 PM

    Hey, I love it, the aqua speaks to me! They say that we don't see things are they are, we see things as we are. Reconsider your harsh judgement of the charming piece!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Vickie H.April 20, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    Sorry you don't love the piece...I really DO like it!!! The colors are so ALIVE!
    My husband "lives" in this fearful place you describe more days than not! My heart hurts for him and for you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. SusanApril 20, 2012 at 5:42 PM

    thanks gang
    xoxo s

    ReplyDelete
  9. MooseApril 20, 2012 at 8:31 PM

    Looks like your supervisor is A.O.K with the piece...you should be too!
    It is lovely. Tail wags,
    ~moose

    ReplyDelete
  10. MakingSpaceApril 21, 2012 at 12:08 AM

    Your li'l alleged mediocrity would rock my house. I'm just sayin.

    Sorry it's been rough. Hope the Prince brings back the sunshine.

    ReplyDelete
  11. claireApril 21, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    me thinks you are too hard on your art-self! That is not mediochre :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sarah HartApril 22, 2012 at 10:30 PM

    I'm completely in love with this piece! Gorgeous colours :)

    ReplyDelete

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