welcome kindling

bold floral 2 - collage, gouache, ink on cardboard - Susan Black 2013 -  Lilla Roger's course Make Art That Sells Part A

Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity & change. To create is to make something that has never existed before–there's nothing more vulnerable than that. Adaptability to change is all about vulnerability.
Brené Brown*

I am so conscious and aware of my creative world & work life evolving - especially this year 2013, it's not only evolving but expanding in leaps and freakin' bounds. The journey I'm on is amazing, exciting, awful, thrilling, scary, enlightening and constantly changing - morphing all the time into something slightly different than the day before. Change and growth are happening at break neck speed. My emotions are like a roller coaster in a way, with an intensity I don't remember ever feeling before, clickety clackety, clickety clackety up & up & up and then hang on tight ... as I plunge down the other side,  eyes tightly closed, body tensed, down into a pit, a drop often so severe it leaves me wobbly and convinced this ride has finally stopped, dead in it's tracks, broken or maybe there's something wrong with me ... maybe I'm broken.

Things get pretty scary at times & I'll admit I don't handle the fear well - my coping strategies are often desperate, but I realize as we near the end of this big & tres challenging year that I don't ever give myself enough credit. I am getting so much better at recognizing Fear & Anxiety for what they really are–kindling. Kindling for the next fire. I'm realizing, I'm believing ... I'm actually knowing now for the first time ever that after these intense and painful emotions comes the spark of brilliance. The spark that lights the fire. The fire that is me. Ah ha, phew or whew !!! This new knowledge is making those emotions so much easier to deal with. I've noticed, been noticing, for years this roller coaster trend, this cycle repeat itself over and over and over again in my creative life but especially these last few years when that creative life has become MY creative life. Susan Black's creative life. I'm out there now in the world - big time, dancing as fast and as best as I can. It's scary sometimes. I am being Brave. Courage is my best friend but I need Doubt & Insecurity also to push me forward–and they do, reliably. I count on them, just as I know I can count on Fear & Anxiety to remind me of what's important.

uh ... I think we can definitely file this one under Amazing Ah Ha Moments & Big Breakthroughs.

les anthem pour moi ;-)

* I'm taking Oprah/Brené Brown's e-course - The Gifts of Imperfection - it began yesterday & it's going to be fantastic + it's the most perfect timing for me (bonjour Madam Universe), there's still time to sign up the deadline is Oct 23rd - info here