Monday, November 18, 2013
8 more favourites from the iPhoto archives - can you spy itty bitty betty among the pea blossoms No.1
Our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken hearted.
I'd also add - can never be greater than our willingness to be open hearted, which maybe is the same thing as broken hearted. I feel lately like my chest is wide open and my heart laid bare & exposed, everything makes me cry
All the usual suspects of course - the mostly self imposed motley crew - sadness, frustration, anger, hurt, pain, suffering, stress, insecurity. But most of all it's been watching daily, sometimes hourly, with bated breath my dear girl Winnie's slow but sure decline. We're getting close I fear to that eventual big goodbye and it feels like I will not survive that sadness … but of course I will survive, I know I will. I just won't want to be surviving for a time.
I also cry at beauty, love, nature, insects (especially the teeny, tiny, pin head sized spiders that live among my house plants), I cry at the wilted dried flower petals, the mounds of musty fall leaves, the ocean waves, the ocean's stillness, the moss, the giant flocks of geese flying overhead and honking joyously to each other all the way, lichen, the large elm across the street from us, the books beside my bed, the comfort of my pets, my home, the flannel sheets, the feelings of safety & security I have every minute of every day, the fire Doug makes each chilly evening … my life.
Tears are really about appreciation & gratitude I'm realizing with great relief. Tears are much maligned, they certainly have been in my life. Tears were always frowned upon. tears were meant to be put away. My tears sometimes are about wonder & wondering. Wondering can I do this ? Can I bare the weight of all this love, this beauty, this ache … this life.
You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.
Since watching the Super Soul Sunday interview with Oprah & Anne Lamott* (mostly about her recent book which I'm currently reading - Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers) - I have been soaking up & soaking in every bit of her online audio wisdom (youtube talks) with Anne - when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I'll listen to the same talks again today and the next day … and likely the day after that because she gives me such great comfort.
* I know, I know I am so very late to the Anne Lamott game, she's been on my radar for years & years, many books of hers recommended to me, especially Bird by Bird (which I've ordered from the library) but it's her conversations around faith, grace & prayer that are helping me, connecting with me now. So grateful to have found her exactly when I need her - Madam Universe (god) is at it again ;-)
Posted by Susan