clouds of nothing

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

easter jelly beans - cheery spring like colours

There's a big full moon shining low in the sky outside my office window this morning. My big fat chicelet cat, Bleet is sprawled out on the floor here by my desk, Winnie's just arrived from her bed in my room to settle in another of her beds, this one under my desk and Oliver is lying curled up on a pillow in the wide window casings. A pillow placed there for kittens. Everyone's just hanging out waiting for something to happen ... waiting for me to give the big OK let's begin our day signal. Smile.

Off to town with BFF Harry this afternoon to do errands and stop at the Shelter to meet Mr. young retriever mix, I have decided until I meet him I am letting my mind go blank about the whole thing (an extremely difficult and tricky task for this particular mind). God knows I've pondered the subject enough and for today I'm not going to think about it all ... I will let the decision just come to me upon looking in those eyes. I am taking a duvet for Harry's back seat and a leash and collar just in case. I am, after all, a be prepared kinda gal. Smile.

My 97' Ford Escort wagon is in the shop being patched and tinkered and welded and magically fixed enough that it can have it's new safety inspection sticker and hopefully will drive us around for another year. In a few days we'll be back on the road again and for now Miss Dixon and I will walk around the harbour this morning just as the sun is coming up.

I am grateful for the ability to allow my mind to drift in clouds of nothingness.

I get so tired from thinking about everything from every angle possible. I totally exhaust myself. I've always said that I can take a trip and never leave the farm. But for this morning a second cup of java, lavender & eucalyptus, hot bubbles and clouds of nothing.


  1. Im just heading off to bed, but thought id check in to see if you are up yet. Of course you are. Jelly beans look yum. Have a good day.

  2. If I had to bet, I'd bet that baby will be coming home with you.

  3. clouds and lovely coloured jelly beans.....

  4. I'm sure you'll let us know how things turn out. Just letting your mind be blank and quiet can be so relaxing, and can also be so hard to achieve! The hamster wheel just spins and spins. Oh well, hope everything turns out well with your vehicle and the possible new boy.

  5. It's nearly 7pm my time and still only one dog at 29 Black Street. The retriever mix black boy did not tug at my heart.

    Although I came SO close to bringing home a 5 year old Chesapeake Bay retriever/chocolate lab mix named Mac. Very handsome, gentle, calm and 110 lbs. I'm ashamed to say that I signed the papers and had him in the car and when we started to back away I just felt sick ... that "what am I doing" sick anxious feeling. I had to take him back inside and rip up the adoption papers and stand there feeling kind of humiliated and say to the woman I can't do it ...I can't take him home.

    I'm exhausted, and slightly ashamed of myself. I've called or emailed all the women who I know at the shelter and apologized for my erratic behaviour.

    I feel like I have been, have put myself, through the ringer with this dog thing.

    That's the story.

  6. It's okay, Susan. It hasn't been long and a new dog is a lot of responsibility. Maybe you just need to give yourself more time. If you'd felt joy and relief when you had Mac in the car, that would tell you something, but you felt sick and anxious, and that tells you something too. Warm thoughts from the Golden State.

  7. Hi Susan. I've been reading, not saying much, but sending good thoughts your way often. Today the thought is not profound: You've gotta do what you've gotta do (or not, as the case may be). Don't feel badly. It will come, in time. Take care.


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