walking through doubt
Monday, July 8, 2013
poppy love / that Miss Betty / our lil' veggie garden / it's strawberry season / no cats on the table ! / chillaxin'/ we heart salads / crescent beach / cats, the nest and a good book / Betty get's around ...
I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always.
One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy.
Yan Martel - author of Life of Pi
So I've just finished a 5 week incredible, intense, stressful, fun & fabulous e-course Make Art That Sells with Rock Star illustration/art rep Lilla Rogers. With over 500 students from all all over the world, all with varying degrees of experience, talent, skill & wow factor & many with big time star power talent. I think it's only natural that I'm left this first week after a course like that with DOUBT stuck to me like crazy glue, smothering me with the demon doubt, questions and insecurities. Where am I going? Who I am I ? What am I doing ? Should I be doing more of what she's doing ? Who am I ? What's my style ? Is my style good enough ? Am I good enough to be playing in this field ? Am I worthy ? Are my expectations out of whack ? ... and just to make it extra painful let's put these questions on a looped tape, let's play them on repeat (over and over again).
But hey ! I'm used to this pattern, this roller coaster of up, down, sideways, way down, way up - I don't know one creative person be it artist, writer, musician who doesn't feel these feelings ... deeply and often. I believe it truly is a part, however painful at times, of the process. The secret I've discovered and actually have begun to practice is to embrace the doubt if I can, and if embracing doubt feels uncomfortable to me, which at times it does. I just begin walking (doing) right through that big wall of doubt, sometimes I have to walk a very long time, I have to make and do a lot of unsatisfactory art/design, sometimes it seems way too long this journey back to confidence and often just as I'm ready to give in to doubt ... the air begins to clear and I feel fine again.
I've been quiet here on this blog for a long time. That's a lot about doubt also, feeling self conscious about what I want to say and how I might say it. I think I'll try walking through that doubt also ...
Action will remove the doubt that theory cannot solve
Posted by Susan