I will be brave

early morning dew in the park / nasturtiums / my girl Winnie D / brilliant green along the crescent beach / beautiful bark / oh my, the sea, the sea / itty bitty Betty in the park / a sure sign of fall lavender asters / seaweed & barnacles / my dude-alicious guy Oliver in his pillow topped windowsill office / me and my shadow out for a post Winnie power walk / impatience still blooming madly / little lichen worlds

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behaviour or a choice.

Brené Brown

It's funny how, well actually it's not at all funny - it's sad, how as women we feel afraid to set our boundaries. We feel worried about speaking our truth and asking for what we need and want especially when we know what we need & want isn't jiving with someone else's expectations of us. I know I personally feel intensely upset when I feel I have to continually draw my line in the sand, that same line I've drawn already several times. It begins to feel like confrontation when I have to reiterate the same requests & the same desires ... my needs & wants over and over again. I end up feeling like the bad guy for being assertive, for being confident and speaking my mind articulately, carefully & with as much kindness as I can muster. 

Anybody who doesn't hear the word no is trying to control you

I can remember this quote from an Oprah interview with Gavin de Becker which one can apply to many situations in life. Big control, little control, the my way or the highway control and lots & lots of smaller subconscious control. I would also add "when someone doesn't hear your word no - it feels like they are not really listening to you". When someone continually "seems" like they're not listening to you two things happen - you feel pissed off & disrespected and you begin to shut down the desire to maintain a relationship with that person. 

I've always been a pretty assertive woman, especially when it comes to my (25+ years) creative career, it's probably the area of my life, by far, I'm the least insecure about. I think about most everything, certainly all the important things, in my life with intense care, scrutiny & balance - if anything I could be said to over think most things so by the time it comes around to making choices & decisions it's rare that I would ever feel iffy about something. I am sure or I wouldn't be speaking out loud. But sadly sometimes when it comes to speaking those views it feels hard, it somehow feels mean disagreeing with someone, assertiveness especially when you're a woman is often interpreted as aggressiveness, over confidence ... even bitchyness.

Choose discomfort over resentment - Brené Brown

My promise to myself is that as difficult as it feels at times. I will always tell the truth. My truth. I will be authentic. I will be brave, thoughtful, & assertive. I will set my boundaries with care & I will continue to always choose discomfort over resentment.

and an aha moment - my horoscope for today @ fav place for horoscopes elle.com
Today’s quarter moon in Cancer brings an important moment for inner reflection. Are you living true to your purpose or are you stuck in someone else’s reality, trying to play a role better suited for them than for yourself? As Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true.” It’s better to risk conflict and face the music of people’s dismay than to compromise your path any longer. While you don’t have to overturn your entire life today, start making adjustments to your course.