trust (ing)

lilliput zinnia love / BleetNess / green & early morning light / oh my girl! with asters from this morning's walk / somebody's gotta new hobby / the blue of the harbour / crow with elm & pine / Gussie on his new fleecy orange windowsill pillow / a few leaves beginning to change colour / studio work table, zinnias & le Dude, Oliver / barnacles & periwinkles / allium seeds / the view from Oliver's office with more zinnias

Sometimes the hard thing 
and the right thing are the same thing
Gabrielle Bernstein - from Spirit Junkie

I'm a bit of a Gabby B groupie at the moment. I've watched every interview/lecture/motivational video of hers that I can find online (like this one that really resonates with me at this moment). I have her new book May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts For Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness - a book based on the teachings and philosophies of the book A Course in Miracles. I've read her book Spirit Junkie and have ordered Add More -Ing to Your Life (ing being inner guidance)  from the library.  She's been teaching me how to meditate, how to forgive (especially myself), how to try and be gentle and loving first & always (not easy I confess), how to forgive my fear(s) & to let go, to surrender & to pray ... which makes me feel so much better. A kind of 12 step version of prayer, praying to whomever you choose to pray to. I've realized that prayer opens you up and opens you up in a really wonderful way and it makes me feel safe and comforted. I spent this past Friday night watching her give a live webinar talk Live in the Know from a church in NYC - the video of this fantastic lecture will be soon available on her website. There was so much incredible goodness in it I couldn't keep up with my note taking and can't wait to be able to watch it again ... and again.

As I mentioned in my last blog post I have been fighting the battle of standing up for & protecting my own authentic self, trying to trust and believe in my own intuition and fighting that battle intensely (not good) - in fact I feel as if my emotions were dragged by a team of horses up & down a rutty long and winding dusty road most of last week. I feel hung over & head achey from struggling to convince & show who I am and to try and do that with grace & kindness (tres challenging and I can say with honesty that I'm pretty convinced I've failed at that last part).

I will always tell the truth. My truth. I will be authentic. 
I will be brave, thoughtful, & assertive. I will set my boundaries with care, kindness & grace whenever possible. I will choose discomfort over resentment.

I am so thrilled that's it's a new week & that tomorrow is a new month because I'm itching for a wee clean slate. The thing about hard things is the hard things are the things that teach us the biggest lessons. Hard things sometimes happen because we're ready to grow in a big way. As hard as this last while has been I do know that it's been good for me - and has reminded me that I need to trust in myself always & more ... with strength, depth & truth. I do know & I know that I know ;-)

trust your own opinion, live in the know
Gabby Bernstein