more photos from the other side - the other side of the harbour, a golf course and a beach !!
Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones. Thich Nhat Hanh
Don't think I'm not afraid ... because it's not true. At times I'm terrified.
I'm sure I can come across like I'm all confident & casual about all the change & transition that's happened in my life over the past few months and I guess at times I am confident & cas or I wouldn't have been able to launch myself, Oliver & Virgil and my CE* (minus the teak topped desk for now) to a brand new place. This was all my doing, all my choice, my plan. To leave my home of 21 years. To leave familiar & safe (?) behind. To start fresh - a new life.
Next week will be mark the 2 month anniversary of my move. How can that be ? it's going too fast. In 4 more months I won't have a home - well maybe, hopefully of course I will have a home, another home but at this moment in time I don't know where that will be and that in itself I realize is the crux of most of my fear.
Having Nested with a capital N for what seems like most of my adult life in one place and now that the novelty of living in lovely Lunenburg fades and becomes the reality of living here ... I have a burning desire to settle in somewhere. To find my new forever home. To really unpack, to grow things, set up my new studio space & have Sam, Itty Bitty & the Prince back in my life everyday.
So many things in life you must learn the hard way. Maybe "hard" is a strong word for this particular situation. Challenging maybe is better word. I'm not a person who's afraid to try things and in trying new things you can't possibly predict how it will feel. Or that it won't result in just one feeling but a whole bunch of feelings that ebb and flow like rushing water, just when you decide you feel one way another feeling comes along and knocks the old feeling out of the way. Which is the true feeling or are any of them true ? I can only trust that that my instincts and my decision making skills are well honed and reliable. Faith, Trust + a little more Faith must be my guides ... but if I let it, Fear erodes Trust & Faith. I'm afraid some erosion is happening.
I wake up every morning in a bed with my cats and all my demons & fears crammed in together. I plod downstairs get my coffee, go back to bed and open my journal and my day planner. Let's deal with today and today only. Gradually each and every morning by writing while still in bed with my coffee and then again here at my 29 Black Street blog. I bargain with those fears, I wrestle with them, I convince them to leave me alone for awhile, just for today ... and they do.
But every night when I go upstairs to bed after a day of living my new life in Lunenburg there they are again, lined up against my pillows like a motley crew of wicked teddy bears waiting for me.
Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom Marilyn Ferguson
* Creative Empire