like lava

Saturday, August 8, 2009


such beauty all around us - bright yellow tall tansy in a meadow above the crescent beach and every day Miss D and I are surrounded by this beauty.

It's dark and stormy looking this early morning. The wind is whooshing the trees around outside in the garden and the breeze blowing in our open windows feels colder, much more like autumn and with it comes melancholy - because that's what autumn always feels like.

I feel a bit stormy myself this morning. At times it feels as if my skin is like a very thin brittle crust which holds all my sadness & melancholy in and the least little bump or a pin prick of perceived impatience or unkindness, or even a reminder of love, a memory, a song, a crystal clear warm thought from a time since past, when things were different - all can create a wound instantly, an opening for that sadness to come rushing out. It's always there, it seems, coursing around just under the surface like lava - waiting for an opportunity to escape into my real world. It's felt this way as long as I can remember. I've gotten quite used to it ... it leaks out of me and I wonder often - how I can fill myself up with something else, something new ... and leave all of this sadness behind me for good.

Great Lake Swimmers - a favourite Canadian band.


  1. It is peaceful reading your blog..We could picture it over there in that part of the world
    Benny & Lily

  2. I am sorry you feel so fragile so much of the time. I pray that the universe will lead you with a gentle hand in the days and weeks to come.

  3. Oh, Susan - are we sisters, and I've just found out? I spend LOTS of time plugging the holes in my skin where the angst and melancholy try to leak through. :) You are a wonderful writer, and a gentle, thoughtful soul - who deserves a red puppy sooner, rather than later. Love to you - xo Pam

  4. Sweet Susan, I wish I could blow away the cloud of doubt you have above you!You are such a talented magnificent woman it's hard to believe you would ever doubt yourself capable of ANYTHING!
    I saw the puppies and thought;
    No way could I resist those sweeties! I hope your Sunday is bright and cheery! XOXO and hugs!

  5. I am sorry that you are feeling fragile and melancholic. I often wonder if others feel this way too - so while I am sorry you feel this way your honesty and sharing make me feel less alone. Your beautiful words and images keep me coming back day after day to find not only beauty but also comfort. May your day tomorrow bring sunshine and strength.

  6. I lost my ♥dog, my Tony, my soul-mate to hemangiosarcoma one day shy of his 12th birthday. He left this world cradled in my lap. The last touch was mine, the last voice was mine. That was in 1987 and I am sobbing uncontrollably now as I write to you and tell you that I know your incredible pain. That is why the Two dogs, 2000 Miles is a cause dear to my heart. Thank you so much for sharing with me.

  7. Oh Susan, you are not alone. I think most of us fight off an emotional tendency we wish weren't there. How to deal? I used to be so thin skinned but I would hide it. Now, I find myself going through rushes of anxiety...and I just want it to go away.

    I think you were on to something when you emphasized the positive...and just got yourself involved in the community and moving.

    I had to laugh at your comment after the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote. No matter how true his comment- who wants advice like that?

    Since I've moved so much in my life, I think it's good to settle in a bit. But it's natural that you want a simpler life.

    May you feel awash with joy and security, dear blogging friend. <3


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