an early evening view from our favourite grassy hill (Miss D's & mine) - we sit each night a spell
The time will come when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,
in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other's welcome
and say, sit ... here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread.
Give back your heart to itself,
to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you have ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Love after Love - Derek Walcott*
I wonder why it feels so hard to give your heart to yourself
I've yet to figure out where I can put all of that sadness. Overstuffed bags of it that I've been carting around ... forever. It's so heavy, it fills up so much space, and it never really goes away, it just moves or shuffles around to a different location ... it recedes. But at a moments' notice it's back and ready to expand to 300x it's normal size, like those weird little toys - grow a dinosaur. The books I've been reading explain that thoughts & feelings aren't true, they aren't facts - they are just thoughts & feelings (and therefore to be taken, please, with a grain of salt).
How can that be ?
I feel like I am a feeling, actually I am a billion feelings and thoughts and not much else.
My feelings and my thoughts - isn't that who I am ?
Apparently not.
*from this dog eared, fantastic & favourite book (I read this book over and over again).
No, we certainly aren't our thoughts - especially not the ones that we over-thinkers/catastrophisers have, driving and pushing and harrying us into dark and dismal uncomfortable corners.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is where mindfulness comes in - becoming aware of the mad scurrying thoughts, and just noticing them calmly without running after them or being hijacked by them.
I love that excerpt you posted there, Susan.
Have you seen the "The Secret" on dvd? I recommend you watch it. I watched the first half last night.... I think it might help you. It starts out a little corny, but it has some really good advice.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we can bake it into bread or a big sadness pie. Set it in the window and let the crows pick at it.
ReplyDeleteHi Qugrainne Yes I have watched "the Secret" ages ago now ... I noticed that there is a copy at our village library so maybe I'll watch it again.
ReplyDeleteHonestly B. Shamu sometimes it comes at me so fast & furious and seemingly out of nowhere but thankfully most often disappears just as quickly. It actually annoys me more than it gets me down these days ... my current cure, more ice cream and repeating "and this too shall pass" as needed. xo S, WD & les Chats
Well see! You've got it covered. Dog snuggling is also very good cure.
ReplyDeleteHuh - I'm thinkin' about this myself these days...
ReplyDeleteI wonder if these things sometimes feel bigger when our lives are getting better because finally it's safe to feel them so big? Or maybe that's not the way it works at all, and the feelings just arise as they will...
Big questions I'm asking too.