pep talk

peonies in a lime green pitcher - polaroid sx-70

This photo is one of 40 that I recently submitted to Canadian Art Prints. Part of my floral duo series. 20 pairs of photographs of flowers. I've been schlepping my wares everywhere and anywhere I can think of and I will continue to do so ... until. Oh my, I guess until someone bites.

I know that my interests, skills & abilities are very scattered. I am a very good product designer in the wee niche that I have been working in, mostly designing picture frames for middle America (and Canada). My designs are sold at both Kohls and Target. That particular skill is what I do for a living, what I have been doing for the past nearly 10 years. It's not really my passion, but don't get me wrong I in no way dislike my job - I find still, after all these years, it continues to be challenging, rewarding and fun.

With no current projects from the main company that I've been working for most of those 10 years and left to my own devises - to try and dream or scheme up new ideas & projects, to research new companies to pitch to, to troll the internet hunting for gift companies that might like to hire a freelance product designer living by the sea in rural Nova Scotia, to drum up ways that I might continue to make a living from my creative talents - I am without a doubt feeling very scattered. It feels like I have so many choices, too many choices, so many roads that I could start down ... and never wanting to waste time, I end up wasting tons of time Is this a good idea ? continually echoing in my head.

I have days I just spin my wheels and I hate those days - they really bum me out. Yesterday was a day like that. The good thing is after having a day like yesterday, basically pretty unproductive I become so pissed off at myself that the following day (and so often a Tuesday) is the total opposite. I do, it my POed state make up for that lost time.

I find myself asking those lofty questions - What is my passion ? I feel like I have too many. What style is my work ? What style is my passion ?? and ya know I have to also be asking the question What style would sell ? I think feeling scattered is just a place I need to accept for awhile. I need to trust that if I keep on producing and submitting, dreaming and scheming all the while being careful not to spend too much time thinking or analyzing what I should or shouldn't be doing - things will work out. Good things will come. I do believe that, which I guess in itself ... is a good thing.