dread & love

hummingbird - July - from the 2012 Cavallini Flora & Fauna wall calendar

If it's getting harder to face every day
Don't let it show, don't let it show
Though it's getting harder to take what they say
Just let it go, just let it go

Even if it's taking the easy way out
Keep it inside of you
Don't give in
Don't tell them anything
Don't let it
Don't let it show 


Alan Parsons Project - Don't Let it Show from I Robot

(another old favourite song from the soundtrack of my life)

What's another word for busy ? I've been cruising along at top speed lately for weeks and weeks, many irons in many fires. I haven't really had much me time at all. It used to be that all my time felt like me time.

Last week I took several days to mat & frame 23 pieces of my work (some originals, some giclee prints) so that I could participate in a group show at our local café. My new & tres exciting jewellery line I've been working on with a company here in our village launches next weekend at the Toronto Gift Fair so there's much mad, last minute scrambling to make all the show samples & promotional printed materials. I'm working on a licensing deal with a big fish card company who will be producing a collection of 10 greeting cards with my botanical collages (how cool is that ?). I had to write/edit/ tweak my bio & take self portraits to submit to another company who I've licensed 6 new designs with - so that they can feature me prominently (hooray !) in their upcoming catalogue. I'm leaving for Toronto a week from yesterday. I work at the post office, my half day shift, 4 days of 5 this week & the rest of those days I'll be assembling very cool leather/pewter necklaces & bracelets for the show + doing the photography and graphic design for the promotional material. & the Sunday after I return from Toronto I'm teaching my first ever collage/mixed media workshop - shut ! Up !! So ... you may be wondering - how does a socially phobic anxious person do a workshop - well, my secret is to over prepare, I will be so blow-by-blow organized that I'll make it so that next to nothing (& I do mean nothing) can be left to chance - this week I'll begin the creation of my much planned out, multi page, full colour handout* / follow-along-guide that participants can use at the workshop & take home for reference. process, techniques, tips, resources, materials etc.

Yikes. Thank you Universe. Lots of dread & Love. Push & Pull. Sturm und Drang. Ya huh

I feel like I'm walking around in a constant heavy mist of code orange. I'm a bit out of my element - doesn't mean that's a bad thing, it's just means it's new thing , a challenging & taxing at times thing. And as a gift, a reward for all this Can Do spirit and productivity I'm cuttin' myself loads of emotional slack - it's OK to feel like crying (even though I haven't a clue exactly why), it's OK to feel queasy & nervous & anxious much of the time. I know it's because I'm puttin' myself out there - out there in the big, wide world and in so many different ways ... ultimately it is all fantastic.

And I'm not biting any darn hooks

Don't Bite the Hook by Pema Chodron - freakin' fantastic book - I heart Pem - she's my new guru

* Hint for other social phobes - a hand out, slideshow or even props not only is very helpful and appreciated by attendees but it takes the BIG focus off of you and that's a good thing.