demon girl & the high bar

expanding my colour palette horizons - paint chips from my local hardware store

There is no challenge more challenging
than the challenge to improve yourself. 
Michael F. Staley

The dilemma of endless possibilities - colour being one category under les huge & beautiful umbrella of creative possibilities. I'm about to embark on one of the biggest and most important creative gigs of my newly (2 years old) formed 29 Black Street empire. 12 new mixed media collage designs, 6 distinct themes (two pieces of each theme). It's a licensing deal (hooray!), it's a potential put-me-on-the-map kinda job, and this company has asked me to come up with 6 themes, 12 pieces an assortment that will showcase me, my range & capabilities (did someone in the back row just whisper - uh ... no pressure). It's both fantastic & fabulous & freakin' freaky - all at the same time.

Shortly after my whirlwind submitting spree, the sending out of a PDF profile of me & my work, to a handful (18) of big fishes swimming around in this vast ocean of creative opportunity, I hooked a big fish company that LOVES my work. Subsequently, in a few phone chats we agree on the particulars & the by-whens and les licensing contract was mailed out to moi to sign. Yes ! Wonderful ! Fantastic ! Can't Wait !!

After many written notes to myself (dans my morning pages written journal), loads + loads of messy tiny thumbnails sketches (same journal), much thinking and pondering and doing of mentals (as opposed to visuals) - I sent my final black & white line art sketches and received almost instantaneous applause & fanfare (seriously) ... and then ...

I begin freaking myself out. It is part of the process, a common affliction of the creative practice and one where stern self talk comes in tres handy. Demon girl who lives cozily in my head has awoken and she's already begun her poo, poo, tut, tut, frowny face & furrowed brow routine - you know with hand on hip she oozes well, who do you think you are ? &  what makes you think you can pull this off ? With my super powers cape donned and hand held high and outward in the sarcastic whatever stance I reply with an unfortunate slight questioning lilt to my voice (drat !)  uh ... ? because I've pulled it off ? in the past  ... uh ? with other projects ? She, devil child that she is, isn't at all deterred by my weak proclamation. No, no - she's settlin' in, she'll be camped out here at the teak topped desk until I put this rather large project to bed - end of June. Eek !

I'm afraid it's a demon girl bands together with the high bar situation. That high bar which pertains to all aspects of my life - continually, subtly, gradually, imperceivably (often) moving higher & higher. The bar & the girl (the demon one) in actuality as annoying and frustrating as they can be, especially when they're working as a tag team, can also be - my best friends & allies. We're all caught up together in this codependent love/hate journey toward success & contentment. I'm beginning to understand better & better how it is I work/live - noticing habits, thoughts & feelings around my own creative process that are useful & beneficial at pushing me forward (& push is the operative word because I get my kicks from pushing myself). I'm better also at recognizing those that can be defeating, crippling even & showing them as quickly as possible - the door. Demon girl and the high bar if kept at arms length are my worst critics and biggest fans. They both know what I'm capable of, they know things about me & about my strengths that I have yet to realize & they push me ... higher, better, brighter.

Boom, boom, boom ... brighter than the moon, moon, moon 

sending this one out our friend sweet Yves Katy Perry's most excellent anthem for daily life
I guess it's anthem week here at 29 Black Street ;-)