look out ...

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

coral pink tulips

here comes that new year

And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom

Anais Nin

After yesterday's chatty long post I'm feeling quiet this morning. Two more days
left in this year of biggest sadness and ache. A year that has changed me deeply
but I'm not quite sure yet what I've changed into. I'm hoping that I'm still in the transition, that I'm still changing into that new person with a new brighter life.
At the moment I'm still afraid ... of everything it seems.

How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is
to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are
the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.

Elizabeth Lesser - from the introduction to her latest book Broken Open

This very happy song made me cry yesterday. The song that my big red boy Jake still sings to me. Turn your volume up and tell me your not dancing and singing.


  1. Hi. I had a Rick Astley poster on my bedroom wall once upon a time! Thanks for the song, a dance around the room was just what I needed.

    Interesting quotes from Anais Nin and Elizabeth Lesser. There are so many wise souls out there arent there? Sometimes I just wish I was wise enough to take their advice and do something with it.

    I feel constantly in transition, changing into... something... but never sure what. Sometimes I just want to do nothing because its all too hard and scary too. I know what you are talking about.

    Here's to next year, a year of bright lives of courage and love.

  2. Thanks for the dance music... it got my blood flowing. I need to have my blood flowing as I'm getting ready to go and babysit my three nieces and their puppy today!
    I think I'm having a different problem from yours... I haven't changed at all recently, and I feel like I am stagnating. I just need to find the right direction in which to turn.

  3. I'm dancin'!! :)

    Good morning. Sending you tons of love and special blessings your way, for a beautiful day.

    Much love to you and the furry and fuzzy gang! xo

  4. I feel just the opposite about change - I embrace it, look for it, conquer it. What fun is it to think that you can do anything you want? Try anything you want? Be anything you want? And you can, if you make the decision to.

    I can completely empathize with the pain of your loss. I hope the new year finds you facing forward, with only fond memories to look back on.

  5. "A year that has changed me deeply
    but I'm not quite sure yet what I've changed into. I'm hoping that I'm still in the transition, that I'm still changing into that new person with a new brighter life."

    So well put indeed. i know what oyu mean Susa. you've voiced my inner thoughts so well too.

    Rick Astley--gotta love that song. Yeah, it gets me tapping my foot but cringing too at just how gad-awful that dancing is! I remember cringing even back then when I first saw it!

  6. Such beautiful tulips in your pewter pitcher. And, you and me both, Susan, in flux right now. Change happens whether we want it to or not, best for me to be malleable, not brittle, and remember to breathe.

  7. Susan,

    I think your blog is a place where many like minded soul-journers feel at home. It's that being real which pulls us here. not too many blogs are that way.

    What you write about, "have I gone too far this time" and so on is rather funny as that is exactly how I feel after posting sometimes. then i think, should I take this down? But then I realise too that it wouldn't be real for the moment or the season. I want my heart refelcted in my blog as you so well do in yours to a far greater extent.

    your site is one of not only visual beauty but literary wise too. It is a solace, even when going through a tempest, there is some kind of kinship community here you've helped create.

    Kudos to you. Wishing you joy and every good thing--including unexpected delight in the every day. You are a special person. We all love your blog.

    Happy New year to you Susan.

  8. Happy New Year to you dear heart! Your picture and quotes made me so happy.

  9. My goodness, your quotations are hitting home today.

    I am so looking forward to seeing what you, J, judy, and myself and so many others...Alex, Pherenike, Mim, Mmmm and others who are going through change or wish to change do in this coming new year. The really cool thing is that we all have a lot of support...a regular cheerleading team, psychologists, kindred spirits, and partners in commiseration here on our blogs. If for no other reason in the world, we are all lucky and blessed by that.

    I look forward in the next week or so in reading everyone's new year musings. I snowshoed up my hill today and spent the entire time thinking about this new year coming up. Heady stuff.

  10. Change is often so hard, especially when it wasn't our idea. I know this has been a more than difficult year for you, Susan. And I certainly understand why. My prayers and hopes are with you for a most Happy and Hopeful New Year! And I am so glad you have that oh so sweet dark haired girl at your side.

  11. what gorgeous tulips and i thoroughly enjoyed dancing with rick!!! haven't heard that song in forever but i loved hearing it today.

    i've always felt that change is a good thing as it keeps us evolving and growing as humans. i, too had a rough year with losing my job and very good friend/co-workers, a huge part of my support system. but i'm proud of how i handled it and came thru as a stronger person. your journey this year was one of dealing with a broken heart and a lot of self-reflection. i'm sure you learned a lot about yourself in the process. jake is still there with you in your heart!

    take care, susan!


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