still

looks a bit like a yell ... but it's actually a big giant yawn

It's tedious and tiring work keeping up the constant kitten-company vigil here at the teak topped desk and it's a job Oliver takes very seriously. He's here beside me right now, his extra soft calico self ... purring up a storm and waiting for his first assignment ... maybe he could do a little scanning for me this morning ... or perhaps some filing and of course his opinions and critiques are always invaluable.

Blue Skies Lush bath bubbles this morning. Sigh. Another patchouli blend and I do so love a patchouli blend. The big, fat, black, chicelet (Nessie) has just arrived atop the teak topped desk. Madly purring and smelling fresh of outdoors after his 15 minute I must go outside at 4:50 am sharp to prowl around in darkness every morning routine. I must pause here ... as a big fuss has to be made.

My lunch date has been bumped to tomorrow - this morning before I begin work I'll make another cabbage roll casserole - did anyone give it a try ? It really was delicious and I find when I'm busy with lots of work it really helps to have food prepared - lest I eat potato chips (probably my No.1 favourite food - are chips a food ?) right from the bag here at the teak topped desk.

I haven't watched any television in days. I always imagined a scenario where I was so happily into my creative endeavours that I would just spend all my time in my little studio/office, at my desk, listening to CBC radio or a good audio book, working away on some new scheme, plan, collage or illustration .... and it seems suddenly, kind-of out of the blue - like those days have arrived. I find myself opening my eyes in the wee hours of the morning and thinking to myself before I glance at the lit numbers on my bedside clock. I hope it's time to get up. Lately I can't wait to get out of bed in the morning and to begin my brand new day.

I know that much of my free & easy, calm & cool demeanour has to do with the two big fat invoices that I've just sent out into the ether. For, alas, it's sad but true $$ = safe and secure feelings to me (one income, self employed gal with a severely dwindled nest egg) knowing that my bills will be paid for another month or two allows me the luxury of enjoying these moments. And for right now I'm just going to go with - everything is OK.

I feel like the real me ... has come back. She's shooed away Ache & Sadness ... along with Guilt and the big and bad Grief. I still miss him, I still think about him every day, I look up at the sky while we're on our walks and I talk to him. I still wish with all my might that he was still here and I still get a catch in my throat when I mention his name out loud ... Jake.

Love ... I'm so glad I met you.

Can't get this beautiful song out of my mind - by yet another fantastic Canadian singer songwriter Royal Wood. He wrote this song for his brother's wedding.