sweet peas with poppy painting
I've always loved a book with short chapters, maybe 10-12 pages, because I almost only ever read at bedtime, I'm a goal setter & reading puts me to sleep. So to read a short chapter in a great book is a sweet, little manageable accomplishment to end my day with. I've repeated yesterday's Pema Chodron again today (from a recent post from our Australian friend Pam's blog Textilosophy) because it resonated so with me ... all day yesterday I kept thinking about it ... finally arrived at a bit of an ah ha moment - realizing my life is simply a series of short chapters.
When you open yourself to the continually changing,
impermanent, dying nature of your own being and of reality,
you increase your capacity to love and care about other people
and your capacity not to be afraid.
Pema Chodron
I emailed the quote & these two paragraphs (below) to a friend yesterday.
It sort of sums up what I think I was trying to say the other day at our coffee date - that lately I feel like I don't know anything for absolute sure, especially things about myself - which is both very freaky and strangely calming at the same time. My life feels like it's big crisis one minute, a big life is over drama and then moments later out of the same blue some intense joy & happiness follows quickly on drama's heels ???
It's like I'm watching a movie or reading a book, and I don't have any idea what's going to happen next. A big thick novel with a zillion plot twists & turns ... and it's my life. If I can calm the freakin' out (anxious) part of me it's actually quite an interesting, exciting way to view your life and I thought Pema kind of said a version of what I've been feeling lately.
Like any good book you don't know what's going to happen next. Unfortunately anxious people are desperately trying to anticipate the next thing, braced & fearful much of the time. The moment we are currently in does pass, something new, sometimes great, sometimes challenging and sometimes very difficult awaits in that next chapter. But ... the chapter's are short, the story really is terrific and honestly I can't wait to see what happens next.
& dear Amy ... so incredibly talented, such a sad struggle. rest in peace. I couldn't pick just one.
I love how you describe what it's like to live in that sort of underlying state of constant anxiety - and how we can turn it around to a state of anticipation. Beautiful - along with the flowers!
ReplyDeletethanks sweet pea xo
ReplyDeletesusan, i absolutely adore pic #2 - so sensual! i love how you've layered the actual and the representation - how indistinct and blended/merged they become.
ReplyDeleteand i also totally hear you about the dread - that hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach that it seems you're constantly fighting down. i'm glad you're able to find a way to turn that awful feeling into something useful. that'll be my goal henceforth!
hope you're having gentle summer days. it's hot as stink and "muggy" here on the south shore - hard to sleep at night.
best to you et le prince - n
Living your life in short chapters - its a good way of looking at it. It's a great quote - it's what I really like about the blogging community grappling with issues, coming up with insights and solutions. RIP to Amy - I appreciated the clips you featured of her.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is what I love about blogging and bloggers. Sharing thoughts and feelings, and being real people sharing with others.
ReplyDelete