crow friends gathered for their morning chat
It's grey, warm & raining steady this early morning. I type to the sound of dripping rain on the roof outside my open studio window & a big gang of crows are perched in the big willow tree cawing away to each other ... on about something interesting I'm sure.
This blog doesn't get nearly as much traffic as it used to. Same with the comments, but that's OK. This blog has changed, evolved, is transforming ... and it continues to do so ... like me. I don't talk so much here anymore and I think it's mostly because I've become unlonely.
I was looking for something in my archives over the weekend and found myself reading posts, long chatty posts, from the summer of '09 - the summer of my most intense Loneliness - what felt to me like a new, raw recently exposed emotion uncovered by a near continual hum of sadness. A sadness that began to grow as I said the hard goodbye to 2 cats and 2 dogs in the space of several years. My family. In hindsight I'm quite sure it (the loneliness) had been lurking there for years but I smothered it, denied it with excuses and profundities about me and my introverted self. I lived with and loved a pair of golden retrievers, and Missy D too - my amazing three dog life. My blog became my friend, I shared my thoughts and feelings with an abandon, & an absence of self consciousness that surprises me still. But it always felt good, venting, purging, the many comments left behind always reassuring me that I was sharing things, thoughts, that were felt by others.
And then I met someone. I wished for him. I dreamed of him. I hoped for him. I do believe I conjured him - I was so weary from being alone. I needed a companion, a partner, a dog & cat lover, someone to talk to and one day after all that patient hoping & dreaming & wishing he waltzed right up to Missy D and I in the park one sunny September evening ... and that terrible clinging loneliness was gone, almost in an instant.
He saved me ...
* & the beautiful, kooky, chocolate Weimeraner Bess (see sidebar) lives happily, with the Prince's ex, in the city
I'm very glad he saved you but I always thought you were pretty special on your own. Not surprised that the long chats are now done with the Prince and not the blog. The way of our worlds.
ReplyDeleteStill love your photography and your art.
thanks Shammy !!
ReplyDelete;-) xo
And of course, all the furry faces but that really goes without saying.
ReplyDeletethey save me too !! & that also goes without saying. Lucky + Grateful !
ReplyDeletealways when we needed it the most.
ReplyDeletealways when we weren't looking.
conjuring is having faith. waiting is the most difficult.
i was close to your litle village a few weeks ago and was trying to dare myself to find you and introduce myself....but i was too shy + for fear of appearing 'stalker-ish'!! of course i would never show up unannounced.
it was the weekend of that freakish evening wind storm (i was camping with family). i think there was also a small festival that weekend if i remember the street signs as we drove through.
perhaps another time.
Janice
I do remember the freakish storm and super weird colour of the sky, even a rainbow at dusk shone against black storm clouds.
ReplyDeletePlease call next time I would love to meet you ... we have a great cafe here in the village we could (will) have a coffee after you meet the Prince, les Gang and tour the lands of terracotta gardens. Seriously !!
xo Susan
Hope you had a tres grand Nova Scotia holiday
rule #1 - always stop to talk to puppies.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you found your cowboy.
id say that was a helluva trade off -a real life cowboy for comments in a box. you know very well that the big comment blogs are nursed like a fragile birdy...and thats a ton o time. better how you have it now -what you post is quality - you do it like you do art because it is creative expression. me too. so - glad you are unloney.
ReplyDeletehey shammy.
thanks Chick xo
ReplyDeletehey chicky.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete{I think if You conjured Him then You saved You...}
xoxo
What Andrea said...
ReplyDeleteI saved me
ReplyDeleteHe saved me
I saved him
you both are absolutely right.
& Andrea that red hair - gorgeous
I still you need to email you.
I still check in every day and still enjoy what I read about whatever you want to share. It's fun to think I know you, a bit, and like you, a lot, but we've never met. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you are no longer lonely. You two seem so well suited for one another. Wish everyone could find what you have.
ReplyDeleteFunny... I was just perusing your archives the other day, thinking of the pic of Beatrice that first got me hooked on your blog. It makes me feel good that you're unlonely now Susan, so much better. Sorry I don't visit or comment as much as I used to, but I just don't spend nearly as much time in front of a computer.
ReplyDelete