almond bisque

dining room

Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down

Unknown

Goodness ... uh huh ! Good ness. Although I'm beat, I feel drained. These eat, paint, chat sessions are deceivingly multi layered in meaning and purpose. While on the surface it appears to be two good friends getting together for the weekend to work on a project because one of the friends is living a life where she's in way, way over her head and needs help. What miraculously has also been happening during these two day events is a gentle uncovering, a peeling away of the exterior walls, like layers of filo pastry, of the fort I've built around me. Over the past year and a half, since Jake's death (a turning point that jarred my life off it's existing course) MLou, with her friendship, has been helping me to uncover who it is I really am and what life it is I really want to live. We must be getting close to those interior walls because although this weekend was filled with plenty of lightness, it also felt incredibly intense and completely packed with discovery and meaning - far too much to even begin to sort through this early Monday morning.

It's left me feeling unsettled and anxious this morning ... Sadness and Ache unprotected and exposed - my well built and always vigilantly guarded fort is crumbling and disappearing. I know that this is a good thing, that this has to happen but it's a difficult and frightening thing at the same time.

This particular weekend my living room/dining room turned a beautiful almond bisque - a soft warm creamy white while we - laughed at times 'til we snorted, we walked on the beach, we gossiped, we ate, we talked and talked and over the course of two days my walls came tumbling down. Merci MLou !

Steaming hot faceclothes, Tramp bubbles, a second cup of coffee - hello Monday.