Monday, June 29, 2009

painting supervisor

Checking for spots that need touch ups, keeping me company and every now and then busting out into a little parkour action - he must keep on practicing because Madge might call at any time. My most excellent cat - my comfort & joy, my little shadow - sweetest Oliver

The skies are dark and grey, the wind is whipping through the tree branches, rain has just begun, the air is much cooler and it's a stormy early morning here in this little village. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Anxious and afraid. Too much going on in my quiet, safe and little insular life. I can handle a lot, I've had to over the years - to just deal with stuff as it comes along but that doesn't mean I don't dread much of it, that I don't close my eyes and hope for the time when it, whatever big bad it it might be, will all be over. There's only so much room on my anxious plate and if it becomes too crowded on that plate I freeze up and panic. Panic turns into sadness and fear. I become inactive, exhausted and I shut down. All those little things (and they are mostly little things) become monsters in my head, they pile up onto each other, into a tall menacing beast of too many little things. And I don't know what to do. So I try and hide as best I can and wait ... until this storm passes. It's how I've spent a good part of my life, layin' low, hiding, waiting for the next storm to pass.

I can wear fleece today - hooray

MLou (who's due to arrive Wed - July 1st along with husband L. and their caravan of love and tools and perfect companionship) has just removed a giant wedge of anxiety pie from my plate. She's shuffled things around a bit ... moved that one little thing over just a titch and suddenly my plate looks different. Things feel calmer, she's managed to make everything seem OK again. She's worked her best girlfriend magic, she understands me, she tolerates (even embraces) all my weirdness & foibles. I feel blessed and grateful. Now I must get back to work at the teak topped desk ... there are deadlines a loomin'.


  1. Hey Susan. Laying low is fine when you need to. Do whatever it is to get you through. I read your Sunday post about CBC-radio 1 being your life-line. Crimson roses are mine at the moment.Just to breathe in the fragrance. Wishing you, and the dear furry gang well.xxx

  2. Susan, three good things; I love your wall color, I can see how comforting Oliver must be, and I love days where I can wear fleece too (not many of them here now).
    I hope you come through this storm with your sense of well-being and good humor intact. I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I wish we at a distance could help.
    With hugs and positive wishes.

  3. Hey Judy & Pam ya know you do help ... a lot ! By being there to listen to me, and often understanding and commiserating along
    with me . It helps me by being very honest & open here. Another slice of my life. This storm, like all the others, will blow by. xo S

  4. Hi Susan! Well, I have to say, I love the image of an Anxiety Plate. I'm picturing those plates with the sections. Everything is just fine until the sections fill up and the peas start touching the corn. Then all hell breaks loose. :) I'm so sorry you are feeling anxious. I get that way, too. Sometimes I make myself sit down and I write every single thing I am worrying about on a piece of paper. At least that way I capture all that stuff that is colliding around on my plate. :) Better days ahead!!! xox Pam

  5. Good morning, Susan.....everything that Judy in Ky said...ditto! I am sending positive thoughts and energy your way and praying for your comfort and peace. At this very moment I am visualizing you as little Susan and I am cradling you in my lap and holding you and rocking you and telling you how precious you are and how glad I am that you are in the world...that I will always keep you safe...that you are loved, cherished, adored. I am smoothing your hair, kissing the top of your head, reassuring you that all will be well...that you may rest in that knowledge. You relax...and sleep...the sleep of a safe, contented child. You stay in my heart..have a blessed day!

  6. Cats are good supervisors and can help comfort, and so can fleece and good friends. I am happy those things are all near for you now.


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