big faith

Monday, May 6, 2013

geranium / foggy morning / handsome Oliver & the miniature roses / creeping phlox / Sam & Oliver / backyard  daffodil & Miss D / sunset with roses & best cat ever

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in 
what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
Brené Brown

I am trying my darnedest to accept the darkness that hovers over and around me much of the time, telling myself it's just darkness. Trying to remind myself that a feeling is not a fact, that a thought is just a thought. That so many of the stories I tell myself are completely based on assumptions, are flavoured (always) with a doom and gloom seasoning, plus a huge dash of vivid imagination and are not necessarily even true - in fact seldom are they ever true. What if I told myself a good story rather than a horror story ... or a bad story. What if when I get that butterfly nervous feeling in my stomach that for years I have associated with dread I tell myself instead it's just a feeling I have in my stomach. It is not always an alarm system in me warning me to begin apprehension, even though I'm never sure what it is exactly I should be apprehending, I go ahead and brace myself for badness. Code Red ! Code Red ! I'm trying to remind myself that this thing that I do is a habit, like biting my nails, or twirling a piece of my hair. I need to become keenly aware of these feelings and when they do sweep over me to tell myself a new story, a bright, shiny, thankful good story, or even just say hello, acknowledge them and let them move on. I need to build a new habit & I want to have faith - faith in the good, faith in my own success (especially in battling this particular demon), faith in kindness, faith in the world. I want to have big faith ... always.

The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. 
It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.
Brené Brown


  1. you can tell yourself what you need to battle these anxieties. I believe far more people limit themselves with anxieties than those that don't, if everyone were honest with themselves and others. Think of it this way, those of us with jobs reporting to employers (i.e. not self-employed) are truly the most anxious because we don't have enough faith in ourselves to do what you're doing. I have faith in you, for what it's worth.

  2. Susan...
    Is it possible we are related? My Grandfather did get around! :)

    I feel it too...

    Look at all the wondrousness of you, of your life, your creations...Just the light from those should cast away the darkness...You are the light. You bring it...

    I too am seeking faith. Reading "A Course in Miracles"...Searching every nook and cranny.
    Much love and faith to you.

  3. you are so not alone in these anxieties, dear susan, I sense we all have them! hold on to the light, my friend, even if it's only the faintest glimmer - for even that is stronger than the heaviest dark, no matter what your tricky mind is telling you... honestly :)

  4. You have spoken in wisdom - I have suffered with anxiety all my life and it has at times sucked the life from me. Things are better now - my faith in Jesus and other things - but you are right; we can tell ourselves a story with a different twist - and just acknowledge that we are hard wired a certain way but can behave differently. Don't know if this makes sense - but I do understand your feelings.

  5. Dear Susan., does it feel like something inside you is crying?


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