my darkness

Tuesday, May 7, 2013










I've planted the peas / Oliver, Sam & Winnie Dixon / yellow / me & Dee a walkin' / seed pods / forsythia / Virgil & Oliver / my office / that rose again* 

my darkness, much of the time, is not that dark ... . thankfully it feels most often like a surprise, an unexpected irritation. A rough tag on the collar of a favourite sweater, a mosquito at night buzzing around my sleepy head ... an annoyance, a handicap, a sore spot, a clingy hanger on. A minor foe but a foe none the less. How it shows up in my life is at 9am I'm already looking forward and secretly counting the moments til bedtime, til book time, til day's end. Even on days when my to-do list is chock full of interesting & challenging tasks - I've had several of those days lately and I always think to myself when that feeling falls over me what's up with that ? Where do you come from feeling and Why are you here? It's a kind of desire to hibernate, to nest in solitude & isolate myself from the world, a feeling that I know I don't really want to give in to ... as persuasive as it might seem at times.

And I don't give in to it very often... but sometimes I wish it would quit knocking at my door.

 thanks for all the sweet comments from yesterday ;-)

 * and yes that $6.97 potted miniature rose from Walmart just keeps on blooming - beautifully blooming
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9 comments:

  1. mbiMay 7, 2013 at 6:23 PM

    So glad to hear this! Maybe you could hang up a sign, "No one is home today. Go bother someone else, please." or something like that...

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  2. SybilMay 7, 2013 at 7:55 PM

    My daughter has just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
    I can relate.

    Consider yourself hugged.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AndreaMay 7, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    Have you tried meditation?
    xo


    {@Sybil N...My cousin was diagnosed with the same years ago...I am happy to report with a lot of work {hers mostly} and understanding she is thriving...Her wedding is this summer...}

    ReplyDelete
  4. judy in kyMay 7, 2013 at 9:58 PM

    I am visited by darkness every once in a while, too. I think I inherited it from my father. I realize it's not my fault, kind of like a birthmark I live with. I don't try to talk myself out of it, I just relax and distract myself by reading or watching a movie. Meditation helps, too. I have a DVD that guides me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. judy in kyMay 7, 2013 at 9:59 PM

    Oh, and I love the miniature rose. I'm going to look for one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AmandaMay 8, 2013 at 1:12 AM

    Two things:

    1. Wow. I felt like this could have been me reading something I had written because you describe exactly how I feel at times.

    2. I love the colour of your bedroom. Absolutely love it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. MakingSpaceMay 8, 2013 at 4:24 AM

    Hi Susan, long time no see! I've been so busy I've neglected all of my favorite bloggy friends. I have a lot to catch up on, but wanted to say that I relate to the unexpected visits from the darkness... those visits have been really throwing me off lately too. Unpleasant and difficult, sometimes, to know how to respond. Do I go with the inclination to hide under the bed, or do I press on? Your photos seem to suggest that sunshine and open air and reaching beyond words are the answers. Thanks for that.

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  8. dianneMay 8, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    Gorgeous photos again, your bedroom seems to be the place to be for Les Gang.
    The miniature rose is spectacular how it keeps on flowering.
    I am sorry that you have dark days dear Susan, they are debilitating and annoying but I think you handle them with great courage.
    xoxoxo ♡

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  9. booahbooMay 8, 2013 at 11:54 PM

    i can somehow relate to your darkness as i am in the dark now and can't seem to find my light switch.

    let's try and get out soon.

    "the tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live." ~ Norman Cousins

    ReplyDelete

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