grief out loud

Monday, February 18, 2008

blue skies and perfect clouds

Monday morning, 5:30 am and I do feel determined to have a good week this week. Last night for a few hours I really felt back to normal, like everything would be OK again. Another friend called, another brave friend willing to face my tears head on. I had an opportunity to talk about it, at length, to speak out loud my sadness. What a lovely relief, a release. To get it out of my head and into the air around me. With a friend who knew Jake his whole life. Who understood the leading role that he played in my life and who was fortunate enough to know well, his larger than life personality.

It's been my experience these last few weeks that the worst thing that you can do if you have a friend suffering from grief is to not say anything. To pretend it's not really there and to hope that eventually in time it will just go away. That experience, which unfortunately has happened with most of the people in my life, many who I consider to be very good friends, makes me feel angry at them and ultimately much more sad and lonely.

There's always a lesson lurking in every experience it seems. As difficult as it is to speak of grief with someone's who's in it, someone you know who will cry as soon as their first words come out. Someone who's holding all that sadness tightly inside. Ask them how they're doing ? Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help ? Tell them your favourite memory of the person or animal that's gone and missed.

Talk about their grief with them, and let them talk about it, it's important ... please don't pretend it's not there.


  1. Hi Susan,
    I am so happy to read about your talk with a friend and the relief it gave you. What you say makes a lot of sense, about getting your feelings out in the open. I hope your optimism about a good week carries you through. It sounds like a little ray of sunshine may be peeking through (love the photo, by the way).

  2. How you have a good week, Susan.
    The photo is lovely.

  3. Sorry, meant to say hope you have a good week.

  4. Hi Susan ....and Mary and Judy....

    yes.... talking out loud even to yourself will help... I do it all the time. Oh... just a second... maybe that is not really a great confidence builder in listening to me and my freely dispensed advice... hahahhah ... oh, well.....
    Glad you had a great talk with your friend.

    sunny brilliant day out here in the west...

    just zooming by for a few minutes between bread dough rising and working out...then must make a start on a bunny for Lisa's softie Parade...

    hope you all have a good day....

    hugs.... Veronica

  5. Hi Judy, Mary & Vee, I know that I always seem to feel better if I can talk about something that's bothering me. I guess that's why they have such a thing as talk therapy. I think grief and sadness can be a very lonely place and I feel fortunate and very relieved that I have a few close friends who have welcomed me and my sadness with open arms. And I know now that I will do the same for someone else in the future.


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