is this a dog blog ?

Maggy Sue stopping to chat with some squirrels high up in the tree

I'm sure many of you may have arrived here today with much trepidation after my fall, yesterday into a deep crevasse of anger & grief. Thankfully I did manage to climb out, the giant wave passed over me and yesterday was a very good day, all things considered.

It was sunny and crisp and the sky was as blue as skies ever are. I still had tears and lots of them, because everything reminds me of my boy. Every drive in the car, every song on the radio, every step I take I still expect him to be right there, beside me. I'm waiting, sadly, for my new normal to take hold. In writing this blog I have been surprised at my ability to be as open and candid and personal as I've been, it's actually been easy and feels really good. I believe that's why blogging has become so popular (both for the writer and for the reader). So many feelings we have are universal and yet so many of them we keep locked up and secret, we believe that they only belong to us. I almost always write early in the morning, the time of day I usually shine my brightest, full of hope and promise for the new day ahead of us. Lately, sometimes those early morning hours do seem the absolute darkest that I've known, yet I continue to type whatever is in my head at that 5:00 am hour, as I sit with my coffee. Yesterday was just a slice of the entire cake.

"Do ya ?" are Winnie Dixon's two favourite words. She cares less what words come after those two, because she's learned that whatever they are "yes ! I sure do !" is always her answer. Yesterday we had our regular walk through snow crusted pastures, down the cottage lane and along ice strewn shores in early morning sun. My friends Carol & Deb gabbed away, the three dogs Chandra, Maggy Sue & Winn ran and played and sniffed, and I was able to just walk along with them, mostly quiet as I was still climbing out and up at that point.

Back home to chores and a visit with my 85 year old neighbour Jean and it was soon time for our second walk, after lunch, at the golf course. By this time I felt back up on solid ground, up out of that freakin' crevasse and oh, what a beautiful walk it was. A hard layer of icy snow covered most of the course, hard enough to walk on top of. Winnie and Maggie, zooming around with tongues hanging out both from the pure joy of it all and from the busyness of running here and there, partners in crime in their quest for the catching of squirrels.

I felt like talking by this time. Lots about Jake and how I'd been feeling, but lots more talk about food and of days living in Montreal, and of this and of that and before we knew it, over an hour had past, and we were back at the car.

It was a perfect Sunday walk in every way, with our friends Deb and Maggy Sue and just what Winn & I needed.




this iced over stream is Muskrat Alley one of my terrier girl's favourite spots