winnie & me

Winnie Dixon

Winnie's been wearing Jake's collar and tag along with her own tag and pewter guardian angel. I picked his other collar up this morning on my way to the coffee maker and put it up to my face, to my nose, hoping that it would still smell like him ... if it does it's very faint. Woke up around 3:30 am with that (bing !) eyes wide open, bad thoughts banging on the door loudly. Sweet Oliver, the softest cat ever, came up on the bed and distracted me for a bit. I finally gave in ... if I'm awake I might as well get up and the clock said 4:30, practically my normal time anyway.

Winnie and I have been walking early in the morning. Under cover of darkness. The two of us walk down along the harbour's edge and along the row of boarded up cottages that looks out onto open water (or open ice at the moment) and back around again. It takes about 40 minutes. Then at lunch time we pile into the car and stop at the post-office on our way to our beach. Cold and sunny most days this week, she and I walk through the pastures and along the edge of the icy shoreline and back to the car.

I was thinking yesterday, as Winn and I trudged along the cliff edge at the back shore, that everywhere I go - I've been before with Jake. And that thought is mostly comforting because it reminds me of what a great rich life he and I had together (smile) and also I have always believed that a bit of you is and remains wherever you have been in this world. I can't help but feel heartbroken at the thoughts of this first spring and summer and walking along our beach without him. I just have to continue to remind myself that he is there. That he is, always, everywhere that I am.


wide open spaces, the big back shore pasture


Jake and Winnie November


the back back shore from the top of the bayberry & wild rose pasture