puppy talk

gerbera daisy polaroid 1

Miss Dixon and I have been considering adopting a puppy. One of a litter of 10, the mother a Border Collie mix, the father unknown. Little fat squirming blobs of beautiful, soon to be dog-ness born on Feb o6. The puppy that I, tentatively, have my name on is a boy. A beautiful black and white puppy, mostly black body, white tips of paws like white shoes, white collar or shawl around his chubby little neck and some white on his face. I've never had a puppy. I've always adopted adult dogs and I've had so much luck and success, love and joy from these older dogs why would I change that 29 Black Street policy. I've always believed that I would continue to adopt dogs that need a second chance, sometimes even a third chance. I was Jake's third and final home and he had just turned 1 and as you know ... what a dog he was.

Everyone wants a puppy, the shelter will have a long waiting list for these little guys. They'll be able to pick and choose from the long list, the absolute best homes for them. Many other dogs arrive at the shelter and linger there ... because so many people would rather have a puppy and because so many people still do not neuter and spay ... puppies are a dime a dozen especially around these parts.

Late in the day yesterday I called my chief advisor for big things in my life, my friend MLou in Halifax. Someone who's known me forever, and the person who single handedly helped me through the agonizing sadness of those days and weeks recently of Jake's decline and death.

She reads my blog and knows that I post most mornings before 6:30 am and she would have her coffee while reading that days post and judge by the tone and words whether or not a phone call was in order. It seems she called almost every morning for a stretch ... someone for me to talk through my fears, my panic, my grief, my not knowing what to do when he was obviously failing, and unable to stand or to walk. She called again many of those mornings after I'd made the decision to say a goodbye to Jake, knowing that it felt to me like I had said goodbye to my husband, my partner, my everything, she knew that I'd wake up each morning with tears in my eyes, feeling lonely and desperately sad. An incredible friendship, I still can't believe. Caring & love when I needed it so much. And I trust her opinion completely ...

So we talked yesterday afternoon, about me and Miss Dixon and a puppy. About 4 cats, an old behemoth of a house and my huge double lot and garden which continually overwhelms me both emotionally and financially, my struggling small business, an overall lack of financial security. Of lingering sadness and moments of pure disbelief that the big red lug of my life, my comfort and security is gone ...

By the time we'd spoken on this topic 10 minutes I knew in my heart that the answer should be no. We'd better wait, Winnie & I, for an older dog, we'd be the second chance once again. We wouldn't rush into anything, it's too soon, it hasn't been three weeks since losing Jake and I am trying, I think, to plug up the gaping hole in my heart left when we said goodbye to my Noodle dog.

This morning as I woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, turned on the light beside my bed and looked down at Winnie spread eagle and snoring, all four paws in the air, at the foot of my bed I thought ...

Yes, I think we'll wait, Winn & I. She and I will just hang out together for awhile.


gerbera daisy polaroid 2