certainty

Thursday, April 7, 2011


hydrangea

We turn not older with years,
but newer every day

Emily Dickinson

Early last night, while tucked into the nest of down & flannel, a cup of orange pekoe, a cat and my new great book I stopped to ponder (ya know I love to ponder) the day, the year ... my life. It occurred to me that my dreams & goals, wishes, desires & hopes haven't really changed much in almost 20 years, since I made the big move from the big city back to the ocean and back to a more rural existence. I've always wanted a simple tiny life. One with a garden, trees, dogs, cats, the ocean, quiet, nature, stars, books, darkness. In the time this blog has existed (nearly 4 years) I came to realize, rather late in life, that I also wanted - needed a partner in this life I'd so meticulously conjured up. Someone to share & love this tiny life with, someone to grow old with.

And oh my, over the past 4 years I've lost my way so many times. I'd forgotten my dreams and often it felt like I didn't care enough to even have a dream. Most things felt pointless to me, I felt smothered in my own sadness, grief & loneliness. Lost. Floundering around in a life half lived.

Not any more ... I'm back on the road of my life and I realize now ... I never really left it, I just couldn't see it for the longest time. I couldn't see who I was or what I wanted & frankly I didn't care. I can't believe how many of the tiny, well imagined, pieces of my big dream(s) are falling into place, have fallen into place. I feel completely blessed. I feel so grateful. I feel certain again.

9 comments:

  1. 'Morning, Sue;

    I can't believe you didn't post a link to somebody's version of "Hallelujah" here. Was there ever a more perfect place? ;-)

    I missed feisty Sue - the Sue that used to narrow one eye and wag a finger at BE and me - I'm glad she's back!

    Happy Spring - glad to hear you guys are having fun sprucing up the nest.

    XO - n

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  2. happy spring to you too n. xoxo s.

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  3. Happy road traveling.... + tail wags,
    ~moose

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  4. Oooh, sniff.... sob.... How lucky are you!

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  5. Beautiful. Wonderful. Smiling with you.x

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  6. Blessed is good. My heart is full, reading this.

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  7. I love seeing the fruits of your certainty...

    xo

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  8. Soooo beautiful. Thanks for this. (As you can see I'm catching up on your blog after a few days off the blogosphere)

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  9. OMG! What a BEAUTIFUL post!!!! I know this is a month old as I read it...maybe you should re-visit THIS post so you can see your way again. You have such astonishing talent on so many levels. Open your arms to the sky and allow it all to wash over you and flow right on out to the world.

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