I am lucky

Friday, May 31, 2013

beauty & gratitude, greens & blues and my love Winnie Dixon - from this morning's early walk 

I am always sad, I think. Perhaps this signifies that I am not sad at all, because sadness is something lower than your normal disposition, and I am always the same thing. Perhaps I am the only person in the world, then, who never becomes sad. Perhaps I am lucky.

Jonathan Safran Foer - Everything is Illuminated

A favourite writer of mine, he writes as if he's lived inside of me or maybe I've lived inside of him or maybe he's been living inside all of us - go here for more of his perfect words. I am lucky and I know it.

celebration !

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

forget-me-not with paws / alpine poppy / apple blossom / forsythia / bridal spirea / flowering crab / white lilac / new maple leaves / dandelion / pink tulips / lilac / more apple blossoms / dandelion

celebration !
I live here,
here amongst
all this breathtaking beauty
lucky me

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save
Mary Oliver - The Journey

your comments, you know the comments I mean, you know who you are my friends, those comments lift me up, make me feel loved, brave & filled with courage and gratitude - so thank you, thank you !

I live by the sea

Monday, May 27, 2013

I live by the sea, I live by the sea, I live beside the ocean ... I never ever take it for granted - I am so lucky 

to live in this world

you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,

let it go

Mary Oliver New and Selected Poems

Sometimes I feel so broken & damaged I feel like I want to give up the struggle and lately when I'm feeling that way I read me some Mary Oliver and I remember we're all damaged & broken in some way & trying to feel strong while living in a very fragile world. Oh sweet Mary I want to feather my nest with your words, make a quilt of your prose, then lie under them endlessly dreaming - because they bring me so much comfort, so much hope & peace.

mary, mary

Sunday, May 26, 2013

oh my those scraggly legs & paws let me kiss them all over / tide pool / my companion, my friend / a little lichen love / Winnie surrounding by new, fresh green / we pretend we're in the forest / a palette of lichen colour / the crescent beach beautiful

What I want to say is
that the past is the past,
and the present is what your life is,
and you are capable
of choosing what that will be,
darling citizen.

So come to the pond,
or the river of your imagination,
or the harbor of your longing,
and put your lips to the world.

And live
your life.

Mary Oliver, Red Bird

there's a kind of sadness that lives in me that feels not so much as sadness, it feels like a kind of awareness - a super heightened awareness. I use the word vigilance (hyper vigilance) because it feels right, it fits. I feel always braced, ready, on high alert trying to protect the world around me and to protect my own much loved tribe (which extends beyond the walls of 29 Black Street). Having Doug in my life for the past nearly 4 years has helped tremendously with this burden/responsibility of care & protection I carry around & hold onto much too tightly, he willingly holds some of it for me, and that helps. I have a lot to hold onto. I'm afraid to let go. I'm afraid to loosen my grip.

I think about Winnie dying every day, at least 6 times every day - it's crazy I know. But she is 14.5 years old. She is a very senior dog. The time will come sooner than later, bless her shaggalicious heart & soul. My friend Missy D, my love. I will miss her, I will ache for her. I will want to smell her, put my face in her belly after she's gone and fall asleep there breathing in and out with her. The thing is she's absolutely fine, healthy, happy, eating well. We go on two walks/strolls a day, sure she's a little slower lately, I think she's a little deaf ... but she's fine - really. I have no reason to suspect an end is near except for the fact of her very senior age. But I can't help but believe I need to get ready, 'cause that Sadness is a comin' and I better be shoring up (or trying to) the walls of my heart so I will cope better with that sorrow, with that grieve. So I won't miss her so much. So I won't feel so lost when she's gone. 

I'm so happy she lives so vividly here on this blog & that she will live on here forever, she will live in my heart forever & ever ... but oh, my how I will miss her. How I will miss my morning walking companion. Thank goodness for young Samuel who I know is waiting in the wings to become my next true love, & to try and fill her big shaggalicious paws on each early morning jaunt :-)

mary, mary ... Mary Oliver I love you, you give me strength I've forgotten that I had.

From the complications of loving you
I think there is no end or return.
No answer, no coming out of it.

Mary Oliver, Thirst