no words needed other than love, love, love - my best office mate & cheerleader OliverI started feeling anxious the other day, a few days ago, after breezing though weeks - months maybe of anxiety, angst free living. When that darn beast rears it's ugly head, seemingly from out of the blue & after being away for so long, it's hard not to instantly begin analyzing the shit out of it. And of course that's just what I've done. I even have a pain in my stomach - that's the
oh ! oh ! ultimate warning sign that's somethin' up. Something hidden is bothering me. The alarms are going off, the gates & doors to my ever active & imaginative mind are all on lock down - giving me plenty of space to pick, pick, pick at this yucky feeling until I uncover it's source.
I stepped out a little this week guest posting over at
Deanne's blog, & as much as
yada yada yada - I know !
it's-good-for-me-to-step-out-every-now-&-again I swear it just feels counter to my spirit, to my soul. I will to do it again (frequently) with enthusiasm but that doesn't mean it's easy. The very next day I stepped out again, this time for an innocent little coffee date at our local cafe & hot spot (directly across from our world famous fantastic tiny post office where
did ya know ? I am now a part-time/casual employee ;-). I enjoyed the coffee date immensely and ended up interacting with oh ... half a dozen people I know. That night, Friday night, I stewed, fretted, worried & felt self conscious endlessly. So here I am Sunday morning, a big ol' knot in my stomach and I'm beating myself up because I know (my brain does anyway) that it's silly to let these things, these social interactions, bother me like they do, there is no need to feel these yucky feelings but apparently my brain still isn't speaking to my gut.
I left my bubble, I ventured outside of my little world where I have been kind of ensconced for the last few months, deep & content in both creativity & reclusivity. + it's a busy time of the year for me. Calendar time (note to self begin 2013 calendars in June not the end of September) so ... I've got a lot on the go & a lot of self imposed yet serious deadlines. I feel rushed, I should have begun sooner & some of this yuckiness I know is simple ... I'm running out of steam.
thank you for letting me vent ...
be gone freakin' yuckiness & take that pain in the belly with you