tulips & the chicelet

Nessie Ness (the black velvet chicelet) is the grand master of ceremonies at our very own 29 Black Street tulip festival

paynes grey

2nd layer, entering the (only temporary) ugly phase by adding contrast with my new favourite dark colour - paynes grey

* from Daring Adventures in Paint* I signed up for this ecourse at the amazing introductory offer of $99. WOW !

choosy

background/layer No.1 from my current e-course Daring Adventures in Paint with Mati Rose

Through a phenomenon known as nueroplasticity, when you use awareness to interrupt unhelpful mental patterns you are actually creating new neural pathways in your brain. As the saying goes, "Neurons that fire together wire together." If your neurons are frequently firing together in unhelpful repetitive patterns, such as being angry or frustrated, you get really good at anger and frustration. However, you can actually create new and more positive neural pathways by choosing to pay attention to something else. As you practice you come to feel different - steadier, more resilient, and less reactive to life's inevitable ups and downs - because you are different. You have used your mind to change your brain.

Nancy Bardacke 

from her book Mindful Birthing via Elise Blaha

more on fear

a little green -  my shaggalicious girl / a favourite huge old poplar tree with lichen / lily of the valley about to blossom / such sweet paws / missy darn d / windowsill geranium / a miniature dewy forest / love her xoxo

Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty events will occur whether you are frightened or not ?

Lemony Snicket

- I can't say enough good about this handbook for life What Happy People Know by Dan Baker
- Lisa Congdon (illustration hero of mine) wrote this fantastic post about fear
- Brené Brown's Daring Greatly is a wonderful reminder that to feel fear is the human condition
- there is no courage, without fear - uh huh ! I know courage ... we're pretty tight courage & I


It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, 
who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that 
his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt* 


For so long I've been trying to make fear go away, to overcome it, to squash it, numb it, medicate it. I've spent far too much time convincing myself that there was something wrong with me because of the fear I felt, and feel pretty much on a daily basis. That I was flawed, damaged - beyond repair. I think I'm finally, finally realizing that my fear is not going anywhere anytime soon - in fact it's here with me forever. I know fear in many ways shows up as a gift. The secret, I now believe, is much more about my relationship with it, with fear, it's up to me, it's my choice how much power and control I will relinquish to fear. When it knocks on my door I need to acknowledge it and say Yo ! Fear Whatcha need ? It continues to amaze me how much we continue to keep growing & evolving as people and personalities and what a huge comfort it is to remember just that. I think I'm gonna try giving fear a few big ol' big bear hugs ;-)

Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

* Roosevelt's quotation that inspired the title of Brené Brown's latest book Daring Greatly

going outside

bleeding heart / the dude, the cat - Mr. Oliver aver thyme / from a Cavallini butterfly calendar / the black velvet chicelet looking dusty in Doug's sun porch workshop / daffs / handsome Virgil - those eyes / that rose / Virg chillaxin' in the sunny workshop sun porch / tulips & Miss Dixon / Cavallini calendar / our magnolia's bloomin'

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts. There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature -- the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.

Rachel Carson

The air lately smells like grass and other living things. The great blue herons are back, as well as the kingfisher's and cormorants. Buds turn to blooms, bees bumble by, ants march on. I'm going outside today, this morning, there's rain in the forecast, lots of rain so I'm shifting my Creative Empire building schedule around so that I can make hay while the sun is shining. I'm in charge of the little vegetable garden this year, I have new annual beds to dig, to get ready for the zinnias, the cosmos, the poppies, calendula, morning glory, sunflowers + the wildflower mix. I have perennials to move & to divide. Shrubs to prune, mulch to spread. I am determined this spring/summer to be in nature as much as possible, to get dirty, to become lost in my own garden for it truly is my tonic - nature - a sure cure for darkness.

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.

Margaret Atwood

my darkness

I've planted the peas / Oliver, Sam & Winnie Dixon / yellow / me & Dee a walkin' / seed pods / forsythia / Virgil & Oliver / my office / that rose again* 

my darkness, much of the time, is not that dark ... . thankfully it feels most often like a surprise, an unexpected irritation. A rough tag on the collar of a favourite sweater, a mosquito at night buzzing around my sleepy head ... an annoyance, a handicap, a sore spot, a clingy hanger on. A minor foe but a foe none the less. How it shows up in my life is at 9am I'm already looking forward and secretly counting the moments til bedtime, til book time, til day's end. Even on days when my to-do list is chock full of interesting & challenging tasks - I've had several of those days lately and I always think to myself when that feeling falls over me what's up with that ? Where do you come from feeling and Why are you here? It's a kind of desire to hibernate, to nest in solitude & isolate myself from the world, a feeling that I know I don't really want to give in to ... as persuasive as it might seem at times.

And I don't give in to it very often... but sometimes I wish it would quit knocking at my door.

thanks for all the sweet comments from yesterday ;-)

* and yes that $6.97 potted miniature rose from Walmart just keeps on blooming - beautifully blooming

big faith

geranium / foggy morning / handsome Oliver & the miniature roses / creeping phlox / Sam & Oliver / backyard  daffodil & Miss D / sunset with roses & best cat ever

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in 
what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.
Brené Brown

I am trying my darnedest to accept the darkness that hovers over and around me much of the time, telling myself it's just darkness. Trying to remind myself that a feeling is not a fact, that a thought is just a thought. That so many of the stories I tell myself are completely based on assumptions, are flavoured (always) with a doom and gloom seasoning, plus a huge dash of vivid imagination and are not necessarily even true - in fact seldom are they ever true. What if I told myself a good story rather than a horror story ... or a bad story. What if when I get that butterfly nervous feeling in my stomach that for years I have associated with dread I tell myself instead it's just a feeling I have in my stomach. It is not always an alarm system in me warning me to begin apprehension, even though I'm never sure what it is exactly I should be apprehending, I go ahead and brace myself for badness. Code Red ! Code Red ! I'm trying to remind myself that this thing that I do is a habit, like biting my nails, or twirling a piece of my hair. I need to become keenly aware of these feelings and when they do sweep over me to tell myself a new story, a bright, shiny, thankful good story, or even just say hello, acknowledge them and let them move on. I need to build a new habit & I want to have faith - faith in the good, faith in my own success (especially in battling this particular demon), faith in kindness, faith in the world. I want to have big faith ... always.

The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. 
It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.
Brené Brown

becoming me

narcissus or daffodil ? / miniature roses / bluebells / geranium / roses / bedroom windowsill / best cat ever - Oliver

The only way that we can live, is if we grow. 
The only way that we can grow is if we change. 
The only way that we can change is if we learn. 
The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. 
And the only way that we can become exposed is if 
we throw ourselves out into the open. 

Do it. Throw yourself.

C. Joy Bell C.

Tis the season or should I say tis my season - the blooming season ! Last night I planted 5 flats (large seed trays) of various flower and vegetable seeds. Everything from favourite annuals cosmos, sweet peas & zinnias to 3 different varieties of sweet cherry tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber & broccoli rabé. I'm a little late with my seed planting but Hey ! better late than never ...

I've been thinking lots about this blog, my work/portfolio blog, my soon to be released Susan Black Design web site (+ all the goodies it will contain like a newsletter, tutorials etc) and the idea of maybe having a brand new blog. I know, I know ... how could that be ? I used to completely shudder at that thought because I felt so incredibly attached to this place, to this blog, in a clinging dependent kind of way. But you know lately I feel less & less that way. The time is a coming, I do believe, that my endless close up photos of cats, dogs, barnacles, food, flowers and such will not only bore you to death ... but will bore me to - I find myself needing and wanting my blog to be much more about my work loves & life. You can be sure that there will always be photos of life here at 29 Black Street but I'm feeling the want to talk (& show) so much more about my creative life.

July 13th of this year will be my 6th year blog anniversary (WOW!) 6 years of almost everyday posts (well over 2000 of them) with photos and words and feelings - of life, loss, many challenges & love. Lots & lots of love. I feel very proud, thrilled about & eternally grateful for every single one of those posts. This blog has helped me to become me. The me I am today.