learning curve

Week 2 - Inspired by Mati's painting style assignment completed - painting 1 - Susan Black

In order to live a creative life
we must lose our fear of being wrong

Joseph Chilton Pierce

Now... one must remember ('cause I'm sure trying to) that these paintings are exercises, meaning not to be judged as anything but ... OK sure ;-) it's a mountain range of a learning curve, this learning to paint thing, this learning to loosen up, relinquishing some of the control I hold onto so dearly.

Things I am learning

I'm finding it difficult to get used to painting where the paint sits on the surface and doesn't sink in - like painting with watercolours or gouache on water colour paper. I can't be nearly as fussy detailed or controlled which is ultimately a very good thing.

Woah ! Get Your Colour On Girlfriend - who knew I'd be so timid with colour (snort) could it be a reaction to living in the lands of heaps of snow, whites and greys and slushy muddy browns ??
Especially this particular piece. Is there a colour I've left behind ? ... don't think so.

I feel very relaxed doing it. Painting. I very easily get into a groove just me, a cat or two, CBC radio 1 and the next thing you know hours & hours have passed me by. I thankfully don't hold my breath while doing it (collage can make me very uptight especially the improv spontaneous, non-typographic kind of collage - yikes) but once I get started painting ... I don't want to stop.

Now I've mentioned a few times before that Kelly Rae Roberts is a mentor of mine. Talk about your follow a dream, Creative Empire kinda gal. There's so much about her to be inspired by. Just her prolific, stick-with-it-ness alone is inspiring. The thing I love most about her paintings are the backgrounds. I'll admit I'm not such a fan of the variety of women's portraits she paint (heads, necks and shoulders) but if you really study her paintings they are SO rich with layers, texture, bits & pieces, colour and interest. Below is a very cool time lapse video of her making one of these painting. Lots + lots to glean here plus excellent music

a handful of dreams

a work in progress - Week 2 painting No. 1 - inspired by Childhood by Mati Rose

This week's assignment was to be inspired by a painter and/or painting and incorporate some or much of that painter's style, iconography, colour palette etc into your own painting (and it was suggested in pushing critical feedback to moi by Mati & Lisa that I leave my vintage papers, glue and scissors behind - no collage - just paint - oh my, it's not at all easy. I washed over the whole piece at the end trying to water down, mute & muddy the intensity of my colours with a mixture of black, burnt sienna and gel medium - a mistake I realize now I need to build the brightness back up. Go with it, those bright colours are me. The house will change completely and Mary Jean Iron's Normal Day poem will fill the smoky air in handwritten text.

As I crawled in to bed very late, for me, last night I whispered to the Prince maybe I'll be one of those crazy ladies who paints all night. A very happy sigh. Oh, and a ps I started this book last night - Strangers at the Feast - it's wonderful, amazingly written I can't explain her style exactly but much in the genre of writers like John Irving or Jonathan Franzen - I'm loving it !! Hooray a good bedtime book is such an essential, wind me down, part of my life.

I realize through all this angst & fuss I'm fine tuning my life to have just a handful of dreams.
A handful of just right dreams. Merci ! for yesterdays great comments with a wink to Chickory


a few favourite saturated tres bright colours

honestly

scenes from mid February - perhaps the hardest month of the year

I want to be an artist* (there I said it)
I want to make a comfortable living being an artist
I want to be creatively successful
I want to feel creatively successful

I'm struggling again, I'm spinning my wheels, standing almost still (actually sitting still at the teak topped desk) much of the time, in a kind of neutral stupor of indecision. Too many avenues
I could go down, feeling pulled in too many potential directions, and trying to hit a bulls eye on a few external, constantly changing moving targets. It wears on me ... I'm allowing it to.

Yesterday I visited Kelly Rae Roberts blog (she's a huge mentor to me for a plethora of reasons) and she was talking about her goals & dreams - her Mondo Beyondo list as she put it - "you know, the big guns, the dreams that you're almost afraid to say out loud because they're that precious, that outrageous, that meaningful". A list she compiled in 2009 and how miraculously grateful she felt now because looking back she had achieved many, many things on her list. So of course I began thinking about what would be on my MB list and that I should most definitely take the time to compile one. Almost instantly that voice, you know the negative, the nattering voice, the critic whatever you wanna call her starting with the hand on hip, shaking of the head to emphasize her every word. Who the hell do you think you are to dream so big, hope so big, want so big ? Huh ???

Don't get me wrong in my personal life, in my other Susan who lives in the charming brick house with a view of the sea life I am as happy and content as I ever thought I could be. I don't dream or want for much at all in that life because it feels like I already have such an abundance.

I'm flailing however in that other very important life, my creative life, my job. I will concede that perhaps flailing is a necessary part of the process. I'm trying different things, my work, my style my creative thing is all over the map. I don't like that. I feel like I'm trying to steer a large ship laden with assorted skills, abilities, passions & talents and I'm stuck on a sandbar called - what's that expression ?? good at many - master of none. I'm currently reading, studying, following The Artist's Way , a book I'll confess to having poo-pooed in the past, I did lots of eye rolling - morning pages ?? Huh ?? I just didn't get it. At this time in my life, with my creative career in such ongoing flux & angst this book is saving me. It's Eckart Tolle for the artist's soul. Honestly.

I have no doubt that I will eventually get my ship unstuck from this sandbar, I do believe that flux is good, that it's essential for it ultimately opens you up to new things. I believe that all this hard is good, all this tough is making me stronger, better ... I also know (especially on these long cold, snowy winter days stuck for now on my sandbar of indecision) the goodness of oranges, chocolate, shaggy black dogs, kitten kisses & that handsome Prince of ATG**.

* I'm beginning to believe that I no longer want to be a designer who's job is always to realize someone else's dream but I want more and more to be autonomous and just dream my own creative dreams - it's a scary proposition, it's a thrilling proposition, it's a freakin' Mondo Beyondo dream of mine.

** of All Things Good

a stack of books

the detail photos from my NEW photographic giclee print etsy listings

A stack of books ... and a new favourite pen.

Oh Bonjour brand new day !
Oh my, A big hello Tuesday
So long, too many blue & tough days in a row
Bubbles & scent waiting
A long morning walk with my girl Miss D
a freshly tidied desk
and lots of projects on the go

I have eight new, super saturated colour, floral polaroid giclee prints in my shop. Each image is 7 x 7 on an 8 x 10 sheet of dreamy, super heavy (400gm), textured water colour paper. Also a few giclee prints of my recent painting ventures on the same dreamy paper. More on painting soon.

some miscellanea - many of you know I'm a bit of a library freak. Avid is putting it mildly. I'm online at the Nova Scotia provincial public library site all the time. Looking up this, ordering that, researching by topic, key word, title, author ... it's heaven and a few buttons pressed, a library card #number keyed in, a password and presto ! - books will be sent here - to me - Hooray !! Once a week our little village library has book deliveries and most often because of this constant keenness of mine, there's a mile high stack of printed goodness waiting for me. This past week was a particularly fantastic week. Books currently bedside.

The truth about grief - Ruth Davis Konigsberg
Let's take the long way home - Gail Caldwell*
The Happiness Project - Gretchen Rubin
Strangers at the feast - Jennifer Vanderbes
Bird Cloud - Annie Proulx
Trauma - Patrick McGrath**
Around my French Table - Dorie Greenspan (I would love to buy this - it's fantastic !!!!)

*currently reading and almost finished
** next up

ps. I'm in love with this pen (black .03) I recently acquired 4 of them ... just in case

my love

hand stamped LOVE 5x7 cards + giclee prints available in my etsy shop

she is ... my love

Happy Valentine's Day to all

the bluest sky

30 more

30 more ... favourite floral memories - Susan Black

this blog

30 floral moments chosen from thousands of moments caught forever by me - Susan Black

memory is a net
unknown

Uppercase the amazing Canadian design, craft, illustration, photography, typography - everything creative magazine has, on a regular basis, opportunities for artist & designers to submit work to be published in an upcoming issue. The latest that caught my eye was a submission request for "photographic florals" but/and to not necessarily take "it" too literally.

I've been wanting, needing to edit, sort, file and archive the thousands of photos hanging around in my iphoto, images just milling about in the hallways, no name tags, no classifications, no i.d - lost in the fray of my exuberance, with the ultimate goal of then archiving all these new folders, albums and sub albums (under summer find floral, under floral, find poppy etc...). I had an idea that I had roughly 12,000 images stored that needed my attention, as it turns out there are 23,459 photos, moments, memories and it's crazy but I'm a little bit attached to each and every one of them. Yesterday I did create many new folders, I created even more titled albums and yes I deleted hundreds of photos. I thought it would be easy, I thought my criteria for editing would be simple and based on things like composition, colour, light & meaning. Meaning coming last ...

I was wrong. So much meaning, memory, moments all caught, captured forever with love & joy in my vast net. I am so grateful that I have this almost 4 year daily documentation of my net of memories. This blog. This blog that continues daily to teach and show me who it is I really am.

last night's dinner - baked beans with veggie wieners, coleslaw, oranges & dark chocolate
last night's movie - Wallender Episode 2 - borrowed from our library. Stunning, amazing photography, fantastic acting, really awe inspiring - we LOVED it - highly recommended !!!
from the soundtrack the theme from the BBC version starring Kenneth Branagh (he's so good!)