in the meantime

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

5:15 pm last night in the park at the end of Black St. - steps away from our front door

Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever

Keri Russell (of Felicity fame I'm thinkin')

If I seem a little quiet it's because I'm still trying to find my bearings in this brand new and completely different life I'm suddenly living. It's all good - I know and feel that with all of my heart but it's like I've been picked up, held upside down and M. Universe is shaking me or I'm endlessly at the fair on a giant ferris wheel in a madly swinging cart that's stuck at the very top. I'm not going to tell you exactly how many years I had been a single person, but years they do go by. A single person, living a quasi contented life in an old brick house filled with love and animals and always with a big stack of dreams and hopes. But this ... this big cowboy love, it's a love and a life I could never have dreamed. I could never have possibly hoped for because it is bigger, wider, deeper, crazier than anything I could have ever conjured up. It's overwhelming much of the time.

What happened to my other life, where did it go ? So many chapters of that life I'm more than happy to say so long to See ya later Sad & Ache ! and a big ol' Bonjour Safe & Loved ... but other chapters I'm desperately trying to get back. Things are settling a tiny bit and I do have complete confidence that we'll sort this out and that I will feel, once again, like I'm walking on solid ground but I'm thinking it may be awhile yet. In the meantime I'm trying to be kind to myself.


  1. You will find your balance. Enjoy this time and let it happen. It sounds a bit overwhelming, it's a big change. I'm no expert on you, of course, but it sounds like changes rattle you the way they rattle me. These sound like good changes, though.

  2. A little motion sick are we? Need a big ole dose of cosmic Dramamine? Concentrate on your focus points, the things that when your world is spinning, you spot and concentrate on. You know what they are. Soon enough what is new will settle into familiar and comfortable. Until then, enjoy the ride.

  3. love the little lights on the blue bay. very nice.


    i must INSIST that you open your 15 things. like, now. go ahead, be kind to yourself. there are some time sensitive things in there. i dont care if you dont have all of shamus done. dont worry i am sending shamy some love myself. seriously. you need to open my box or about half of it will be pointless. get on it sixter.

    cowboy take me home! grherhahaha you know every cowboy song is suddenly attached to the face i see here.

  4. be kind and honest with yourself...

    if you have not stopped over to my blog...I wrote about a stormy sea yesterday, I realize you are busy with mad love but I think we might be twins...

    much love

  5. Actually part of your 15 to me is opening Chickory's 15 to you. Now hop to it.

  6. i love seeing ice in your little harbour!!

    when you get a sec bop over to my blog and see my early birthday presents!!!!

  7. Is this about finding time for creativity? About trying to work out how to find that space in your head to think through ideas, and planning your days with someone else so you that YOU have time to yourself? About feeling that your creative self is in danger of drowning?
    This is something you HAVE to keep hold of!
    (Been there, failed to give priority = regrets.)

  8. Such a beautiful picture to go along with these feelings of some things settling while others still feel very much in the air. Time will tell, I suppose. In the meanwhile enjoy all that is being given to you for however long you have--hopefully that is very long indeed

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