merriest

Thursday, December 24, 2009


my favourite house along our evening stroll - I love this little lit snowman

wishing you all the merriest of holiday seasons
with much love and gratitude for all of your love, comfort & support

xo Susan, Miss D, Piper Belle, BleetNess, Oliver & Gus

The cowboy and I had plans of making our tiny seaside village social debut last night. We were invited to a holiday open house at the busy seasonal café. The couple who own the café are dog loving creative people cut from a similar cloth and people I like and hope to know better. I was tickled and grateful to be invited. Homemade eggnog, lots and lots of people and much good cheer was on the menu. I suffer from a kind of social anxiety - though people who know me are always shocked to hear this as I almost always appear cool as a cucumber, chatty - dare I say extroverted. Madam Social Butterfly is my outward appearance. This is what happens when you are frightened of social interactions (especially those with crowds of 3 or more) from a very young age - you learn quickly how to perform like a fearless person - to act. You become very skilled at covering it up and hiding this seemingly irrational fear. Often I look back through my life at the things I've done and accomplished that have required great social courage on my part and I'm dumbfounded. I wonder who was that ? Anxiety and fear is almost always anticipatory - it's blind fear all tangled up with expectations and imagination (vivid always). If I manage to blow through that anticipation and actually go to an event or an occasion I almost always have a great time and appear to many (even myself) the life of a party. Madam Invincible magically takes over for me ... every time.

I am sorry this morning that the cowboy and I missed the party - Regret is the closest friend of this kind of anxiety.


12 comments:

  1. Been there, done that, not proud but the safety in solitude is hard to let go of.

    Have a Warm and Toasty Holiday!

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  2. I know it well..... you darn well kick yourself in the ass and get out there to the next soiree ..come hell or high water ....

    Merry Christmas Susan ... I hope you and the Cowboy enjoy a great little holiday meal .... Mr. B.V. and I will be having a cute little ...very moist ...stuffed chicken.

    I shopped at the BIG Safeway yesterday and they were out of sprouts..mushrooms,.. broccoli crowns....two pound bags of carrots, (had to settle for a 3 pounder)... and luckily our neighbour works in produce..I whined and he cut off the big chunk of worthless stem on broccoli bunches and I got my crowns... see it does pay to squeak a bit now and again... I got the grease/broccoli

    Well, we are doing some plumbing today...the undermounted sink fell off ... we re-siliconed it.. but, now.. there is a crack in the piece of pipe just before the pea trap...so have to build a whole new section... we have the bits and pieces... my kitchen may be back in action later today...or...I will be washing dished i in the bathtub.... hahahha....

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  3. Merry Christmas, Susan! I know all too well the anxiety actress. :) She lives in my head, too. A right pain in the arse, she is. Have a lovely holiday with your Cowboy and your critters! xox Pam

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  4. SUSAN, YOU HAVE ALREADY HELPED ME TODAY. I AM HAVING COOKING, ENERGY, TIREDNESS, HOPELESSNESS, PERFORMANCE ANXIETY. BUT I HAVE TO GET STARTED....OR NONE OF MY FAMILY WILL HAVE A MEAL. ALSO I AM IN THE THROES OF MISSING CHRISTMAS PASTS. I MAY HAVE TO WRITE YOU AGAIN TODAY. I UNDERSTAND THAT GNAWING ANXIETY PAIN OF UNWORTHINESS AND LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH!!

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  5. Oh, I wouldn't say you and the cowboy exactly "missed the party". At least,not in the larger sense!

    Edward, Apple, and I wish you the happiest of Christmases! All the best to all!

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  6. Merry Christmas Susan and to Cowboy and all the les gang! xoxo

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  7. It sounds like a wonderful time.
    Merry Christmas
    Benny & Lily

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  8. Merry Christmas to All...and to all a good night. Here is to 2010 and many Tail Wags!
    ~Moose

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  9. Merry merry Christmas, dear Susan and the fluffy furry bunch!

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  10. MERRY CHRISTMAS, SUSAN
    and all of the very best for 2010 with your Cowboy and your pets family.
    Your blog ROCKS!

    Warmest wishes,
    Maria

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  11. MERRY CHRISTMAS, SUSAN
    and all of the very best for 2010 with your Cowboy and your pets family.
    Your blog ROCKS!

    Warmest wishes,
    Maria

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  12. Merry Christmas Susan and cowboy!

    although you missed the party, you have this wild party ride you are currently enjoying of each other and may it be a beautiful ever after, continually full of the unexpected, --that s the unexpected good things in life: love, hope, peace, joy--all those fruits.

    I am an extroverted person for certain but only can clam up if I'm at a party with a bunch of introverts who don't know what to say, then i feel awkward as I don't want to carry all the conversation. LOL.

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