bonjour Then

happy birthday Canada

Anxiety is the space between the "now" and the "then"

Wilhelm Stekel Austrian psychoanalyst, 1868-1940

and oh Mama can pack a lot of miles in between the now & the then. Much worry, fret, and fear- it's all about that big blank space that undetermined and seemingly endless distance. I better fill it up as best as I know how. It's all about anticipation, when then actually arrives the storm clouds have blown away, the sky becomes clear and the waters are calm and still. Exhausted from running all that distance between now and then, all while doing mental jumping jacks, hand stands and other death defying imaginary feats I feel embarrassed and confused when I finally arrive at then. I drift around on my raft of calm seas and wonder where did that monster go. I know it was here. I just saw it and trust me it was scary.

It hasn't gone away completely but that gentle gnawing feeling in my stomach, that catch in my throat, the shortness of breath - that's nothin' compared to the full on version and I know that the instant MLou & her Gang arrive these lasting remnants of anxiety will be gone - it will all magically disappear.

We're at our destination, we've arrived at then - only lots of goodness from here on in. MLou, L & Missy J (terrier gal pal of Miss D's) will arrive around noon (which gives Mama plus de hours to do the many last minute things I always have left to do). That girl likes old fashioned sugar donuts so I'll make another batch of these tres simple & easy Baked Donuts (I prepared the dough last night). I feel happy and excited now because my favourite people in the whole wide world are coming today. We'll make our flooring installation plan, we'll take in a few of the July 1st festivities, a little carnival food perhaps, we'll watch men in kilts throw big, heavy things for trophies and we'll listen to bagpipe music which always makes me cry. We'll stick little paper Canadian flags on sticks in our pockets and we'll feel proud to be Canadian 'cause we live in an amazing place - know best for our famous winters, our wide open spaces and rugged unspoiled nature but best of all - we're known for our tolerance.

It's raining this early morning - I wonder ... maybe it will rain tonight and cancel the fireworks - shhhhh - I sure hope so.

Hello Then - I'm so glad you're finally here and Hey ! Happy Canada Day !