trust

Saturday, November 21, 2009

red berries in golden early morning sun

I will give you everything
That you've ever wanted
With this promise
I will bring you home again

Skydiggers - Track 5 Cowboy CD No. 2

I feel so grateful I feel like my heart will surely burst.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed yet again - but oh my, this feeling is so different - after weeks, months, years of feeling so incredibly overwhelmed by Sadness, Ache, Grief and Loneliness - of feeling so Broken and irrevocably Damaged - How did I land here in this place ? Questions I'm trying so hard to not ask myself - Where did all of this come from ? Do I deserve so much goodness ? Am I worthy of this? Don't answer - I know that all of you aren't asking questions, just like MLou who's smiling and nodding at me from far, far away in Thailand and saying with a big, wide smirk Uh Huh ! See ... told ya so.

I believed (for much of this blogs life) that my good life was over but that best girl kept holding me up, kept standing there with me, making sure that I wouldn't sink completely in the thick, dark muck I believed to be all around me. She kept trying to show me who I really was and she never gave up. She showed me big, huge love when I truly believed it was gone from my life forever. I am crying as I write this. I have needed to cry. Some tears are essential and cleansing. My life has been turned completely upside down, inside out and sideways and only in the most amazing way(s). If I stop to think about it, about this, for too long I feel like I might just dissolve into a pile of dust.

Don't be afraid, have courage ... trust in love. Trust in love

Thank you Madam Universe ... thank you

I'm weak in the knees for you,
but I'll stand if you want me to.

Serena Ryder - Track 6 Cowboy CD No. 2

14 comments:

MLouNovember 21, 2009 at 7:06 AM
My smile is ear to ear and head to toe. I couldn't be happier to see you basking in this ray of sunshine. Enjoy every single moment.

xo mlou
lorrilibrarianNovember 21, 2009 at 8:32 AM
From someone who only knows you from the glimpses I receive in your blog, I want you to know I have worried and anguished for you, over the last long months. I knew your heart was broken and you were working so hard to stay afloat and I wanted to be able to help but all I had were words, just words, from a stranger.

But now, this stranger is floating on a cloud right alongside your cloud and I am so thrilled and happy for you. You came through the blackness and into the sunshine and star shine and moon glow and your heart is dancing on the breeze and I am delighted for you. Gloriously, joyously, delighted. The Age of Miracles is not passed, is it?

Lorri
rachelNovember 21, 2009 at 9:18 AM
Isn't it all marvellous, miraculous, life-affirming, breathtaking? We are so delighted for you, and warmed by your happiness.

Maybe it was the Universe, but I know there's a little piece of rose quartz, to Attract Love, somewhere in that mix too......
yoboroboNovember 21, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Oh, Susan! I want to skip through a meadow and turn cartwheels for you (but I would most likely break some essential part of my body)! You are so deserving of this, and I love that the Powers That Be heard your call and sent you someone so very special. I can feel Miss MLou's grin all the way over here in Maryland! xox
Tess KincaidNovember 21, 2009 at 11:05 AM
"...somewhere in my youth, or childhood, I must have done something good."

Gosh, I love basking in the happiness over here!!
Vickie H.November 21, 2009 at 11:36 AM
This could not possibly be happening to a nicer, more deserving person!!!! We are just so happy for you.

Also, I must say: your poster for the telethon fundraiser for the animals is absolutely INSPIRED!!! You are an incredible artist! Those guys are very fortunate to have you in their corner!

God bless and keep you! And much love from Dallas!
julie kingNovember 21, 2009 at 11:47 AM
i've been thinking about you and how i believe all this good fortune started with you opening your heart to a new dog. when missy piper belle came into your life you said ok, this is good and i like this and yes i can put the old ways to the side and let myself live and love again. it all starts with just one tiny decision, one small step. and then the whole world opens up its doors to happiness and goodness.
Big ShamuNovember 21, 2009 at 2:35 PM
See now, I believe you attract the goodness to you, MLou, The Postmistress, the Cowboy and so many others. OK the Cowboy took his sweet time getting to you but BAM there he is, making up for lost time. You are a good, kind, smart, funny woman who gently deposits earwigs back into the wilds of your backyard. Why wouldn't Good Fortune smile her pretty face upon you? To you I say, Enjoy face forward. So much is yet to come.

To MLou, I envy you all that you're getting to eat right now. Some incredible food in Thailand. (swoon)
Making SpaceNovember 22, 2009 at 1:28 AM
Awww - I don't know the history of your life except the last few weeks, but what a rich journey. And what a blessing to have you share it with your readers, new and old. Hugs and love and light to you.
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