truth

springtime in Paris - from les photo archives

Tell the Repo man
And the stars above
That you’re the one I love

We can twist and shout
Do the turtle dove
And you’re the one I love
You’re the one I love
The one I love

David Gray The One I Love

The cowboy's coming home early. We're hoping that the weather will cooperate. Winter weather has begun in Canada and in sudden, often unexpected, spurts and squalls. His long drive from the bald prairies into the endless boreal forest that hug the shores of the giant lakes, like oceans - is both desolate and stunningly beautiful. He's driving a well equipped new pony with super road gripping winter tires and he has the beautiful brown hound Bess as both navigator and most excellent traveling companion. He hopes to be home a week from today.

You see, we've realized that we can't live without each other, not another minute, or an hour, or another day of our lives. This is as big a love as they come. Big and true and perfect. I know there may be a few lurking naysayers among you ... and I totally get your doubts, I have them too. How could this be ? Where did this come from ? the ol' If it seems to good to be true ... and the Ooh, I'd be careful if I were you ... gang. Said of course with deepest concern (my own sister Sandra hangs out here with this tres protective crowd). He could be one of those serial Casanova types, you know - the oh so charming love 'em and leave 'em with a sexually transmitted disease kind - she saw proof of his existence just recently on Oprah. (Sandra, my younger sister who's always been so much more a mother, than my mother ever was. Cautiousness rules her world).

I know with every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, and with every ounce of my extremely analytical and obsessively pondering brain that this is real - the truest kind of love.

This blog is about my life, it's a record, both visual and written of my daily life in tiny chunks. Of course it's never a complete representation of all of my life and actually it's most often just a glimpse. But it is a glimpse of my truth, a glimpse always of the heart of my life. Good, bad, sad, or desperate. I chose from the beginning to write as I would speak - always my unabashed truth or at least the most important bit of my truth. It really is the thing I love the most about this blog - that I can and do speak my truth here ... always. I speak it and then it's set free, to float away like the beautiful glowing lanterns MLou shared with us from the Thai Loy Kratong Festival.

Each truth that floats away from me then frees up space for another brand new truth.

This person, this handsome and kind, dog loving cowboy, has affected my life in so many profound and wonderful ways, has touched so many of the chapters, already, in this big fat volume that is, and has been, my life - I still can't comprehend it ... and truthfully I've had to make myself stop trying. The old broken me keeps trying to make sense of it all, keeps trying to pick it apart and study it, keeps looking for the evidence that it will surely vanish in a blink - like a beautiful dream that I once loved. I've been hunting for the flaws and defects, where is that darn catch ? because she (who was broken) believes that there must be one.

but I can't find it and I'm realizing I'm wasting time looking.

He is the one I love.