oh my … such winter beauty
My eyes were glued on life
and they were full of tears.
Jack Kerouac
It's almost always felt like I have a subcutaneous river of tears right under the surface, always there waiting to bust the dam of my resolve, a resolve which admittedly isn't much of anything at all and never has been. I've always felt close to tears, and sadly I've felt a lot of shame over the years about my ability to cry at the drop of a hat. A stern look, a harsh word, an unexpected kindness, a site or story of someone else's hardship you wish you hadn't seen or heard, something touching, something mean, a bully, an angel and often just something extraordinarily beautiful … the list is long. Lately that river just under my very thin skin is raging, rolling, threatening constantly to break through that fragile surface so today I'm letting it. Gorgeous voices and songs like this one help me relax into those always healing, never shameful, tears.
ps. I've transferred all my posts from the temporary a passionate observer blog back here to their home but couldn't bring your comments along too - thank you to everyone who missed us & who cheered loudly when we came back ;-) thank you Faith, for keeping your word (to me). Thank you google/blogger, though I've yet to hear a peep from you about any of this since that fateful Dec 26th email - I am grateful, grateful, grateful. Backing up, copying, spam preventioning, malware protecting … & so on. Hallelujah. & now here's some beautiful Christina A. with A Great Big World
Susan dear I know exactly how you feel but there is nothing wrong with being sensitive and feeling deeply, only that is makes us feel more fragile and vulnerable... though I would not like to go through life being unaware of the things that so many others miss and overlook, I would miss out on so much of the beauty amongst the sadness and ugliness.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful images of your world and such a lovely song.
Love and hugs
xoxoxo ♡
thanks so much sweet one - you always seem to understand my thoughts & feelings, you speak my same language and I so appreciate it - much love xoxo Susan & gang
ReplyDeleteAh, that's better, you're back. I bet you're relieved!
ReplyDeleteNo shame attached to being able to cry easily - I spent a childhood, adolescence and early adulthood not crying, ever, and what a relief when I finally stopped trying to control it. Children who are brought up with blame and shame have to build their own armour, I think, trying to avoid the chinks of vulnerability that show when they cry. But the tears are there, as you know, under the armoured skin.
Now I 'fill up' as and when it happens, and oddly, it feels absolutely ok, authentic, and (contrary to unspoken fears from all those years ago) never becomes overwhelming or uncontrollable. And I find that people are responsive too; it's as though a stiff upper lip inhibits empathy to some degree! Anyway, thinking of you.... x