past due

Sunday, November 23, 2014

my paws on Creative Director + my girl Dee's sweet face, my new screen saver / a hedge of pretty red berries along my walk to Lunenburg's every early Thursday mornings farmers market / this home's gorgeous front hallway / a map of this gorgeous & very interesting place / Oliver works so hard / the last honeysuckle blossom in my house's garden / kitchen (back) window avec fridge map / this is how they paint the historic homes here / no cats on the counter !! (of course ;-) 

It's not about forgetting the past, 
it's about accepting the past. 
Melanie Koulouris 

Yesterday marked the 1 week anniversary of me settling into my new home, a 6 month sublet in the heart of olde town Lunenburg. A beautiful furnished historical house, a place where I will work, explore and find my next more permanent home - here in Lunenburg I'm hoping. As I mentioned in my last post I have a big, rather time consuming creative project on the go which has kept me busy and at my desk morning through night with the exception of nearly every day forays out for exercise & exploration - it's super hilly here, straight-up hilly so it's fantastic exercise going up & down (literally) the streets. I'm very thankfully to have this project & the next to keep me occupied almost 'til Christmas as I settle in and get used to living somewhere else after living at 29 Black Street for almost 22 years.

I must say, it's been a breeze thus far - this settling in. In fact it's been so smooth, thrilling & painless that I have been poking at that "ease", picking at it - not believing it to be really true. I'd said the big goodbye to my beloved Winnie Dixon, even though we had been contemplating saying that goodbye before this winter season set in so her arthritic body would not suffer through another winter of ice, frigid cold & drifts of snow. It was hard, it was sad - for the first week I thought I'd die of missing her but it faded and I know that the decision was right (no matter how much & often I try to make myself second guess it). I've packed up all my troubles, my dreams, hopes & plans for an exciting new future along with my art supplies & my cats Oliver & Virgil and moved to a brand new place (a 3 hr drive from Black St.) and I don't feel tremendous sadness, grief ... angst. What's up with that ?? I've been anticipating a big crash & burn ... any day now, any moment ... surely it will hit me.

But it hasn't hit me. I keep wondering am I in some kind of denial about everything ? I'm pretty sure I'm not, I really don't do denial ... I much prefer full-on drama. I'm the first one to admit I can & will get myself in a state over lots of things but this transition has been simple. So ... I've decided to stop picking at how good this move has been for me, for us ... for all of us. I'll stop trying to force upset & anxiety to come for a visit. I was more than ready to move, this decision was way past due. I realize in hindsight Winnie Dixon was the final tie binding me to that former place ... that last chapter was the story of her most excellent & long life. Her spirit will be with me always, & I know she's thrilled for this new me in this new place ...

What you need to know about the past 
is that no matter what has happened, 
it has all worked together to bring you to 
this very moment, and this is the moment 
you can choose to make everything new. 


  1. Okay, so with this set of photos, I am opening the images in new tabs so I can look at them under magnified view and learn more about the streets of Lunenburg and your new home. Details please! Very curious about your new spot. That front hallway is indeed magnificent!

    I had thought that about your sweet WD, that you were staying in Pugwash partly to avoid stressing her. Winnie is with you and you are with her, wherever you are. It can't be any other way when you have lived so enmeshed together.

    Very happy to see the CD dressed and with ID tag attached, in case he gets the urge to wander and explore. I am curious how Virgil and Oliver reacted to the move.

  2. Oh, Susan! Thank you for the photos of your new environs. It is such fun envisioning you there. The house is so lovely and it appears you and "the boys" are settling in nicely. Yay you!

  3. ... "her most excellent & long life. Her spirit will be with me always ..." As much as I love animals, there has been one cat that was closer than all the rest, like an alter ego, the one who I dreaded losing almost from the beginning, we were so close. I told her she had to live to be 20, and she did. Strangely, it was your words above that made it, actually, the most natural passage of all my small friends. To this day, I feel her close. Here's to you and Winnie D. Mary

  4. The house is lovely! Love those wood floors. Are they original to the house? It looks like a wonderful place to recharge the batteries. I must admit I was a little down about you leaving 29 Black Street. I had grown to love it. Felt like a sanctuary for me some days! But, I am so excited about seeing your new home through your camera's eye! With the New Year coming up soon and living in a new and beautiful place, I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful and exciting New Year for you! Hope the rest of the gang can join you soon!!

  5. Peering and peering at the map to see if you marked an "X" where your house is. Did ya ? Did ya ?

    If you see any big yellow bristol board signs around town with a big "H" on them -- they indicate that my fav TV show "Haven" is being filmed in Lunenburg !

    Do go being disappointed coz you're NOT melting down. I think you've just been through the worst thing that could happen (loosing Miss Winnie D.) and after THAT, the move is no big deal.

    Glad you're doing well.

    Lunenburg is a marvellous town.

  6. Susan dear such a beautiful house, you have made it a home. I love the wide floorboards, the entrance hallway and front door are magnificent, I love the pale yellow paint on the walls, love your kitchen, you have the canisters I love too. :) Your work area is lovely with dear Winnie Dee as your screensaver, Oliver your creative director seems very much at home and it is good to see your familiar shadow on the streets of Lunenburg.
    I was thinking about my God cat Itty Bitty Princess Betty last night, I hope that she is well, I miss seeing her.
    You don't have to forget the past dear Susan and all of your memories of 29 Black Street and Miss Winnie Dixon, she is still with you, always treasure the past and embrace this new opportunity for happiness and creativity in this lovely place.
    Love and hugs to all
    xoxoxo ♡

  7. she is indeed thrilled for you, no doubt. her passing has given you the stregth to move there to something new w/o the guilt.

    "I really don't do denial ... I much prefer full-on drama." ha. too funny and yes, time to not beckon anxiety. Let's all try that more in 2015!


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