beautifully, hauntingly

brand new hydrangea / I love this cat more than words could ever say - he is comfort in a small domesticated mammal / hot red pink Phlox and my best girl Winnie Darn Dixon / oh my wild & tangled mini garden & those towering gorgeous sunflowers a mix of varieties / LOVE orange coneflower / little ceramic houses in the window of Monty's Emporium of GoodNess for our K Maggie Rose / down low in the early morning dew / Eaton Park, steps from our front door, with benches set up for music on the main stage / bright lights cosmos adoration / me & my girl stepping' out / more bright lights & more orange loveliness / perfect, pure white new hydrangea blossoms

The things we fear the most 
have already happened to us
Robin Williams

I'm still thinking about Robin William's death by suicide, not obsessively so - it's just on my mind the way something is on your mind when you're thinking to yourself maybe ... he had an especially bad day or two, maybe even just a few hours of that desperate kind of badness some of us know so well ... Perhaps he tried to soothe that badness with a tonic of his choosing - alcohol, drugs, maybe a cocktail of the two & that tonic then whispered to him - it's OK, you can let go ... it's OK to say goodbye. And maybe if he'd passed on the tonic, or maybe if he hadn't listened so intently to that voice of badness he might still be alive. But he knew, we know, eventually that badness would come back to him, would start up with the endless nattering ... it's all just so sad

or maybe it's not sad at all, maybe it was absolute & complete relief.

why is it when you feel sad, you're drawn to listen to all the beautifully hauntingly sad songs that inevitable just make you feel more sad - it's a kind of sadness I think that feels good, soothing, natural & welcome. This favourite song What is Love by Blue Rodeo (Canadian band) with Sarah McLachlan from what I think may be their best of many, many albums 5 Days in July goes out to my dear friends Moose & Denise in Colorado, honorary Canucks & big Blue Rodeo fans. I betcha they love this sad beautiful song as much as I do. (+ another gorgeous song from the same album - no one wants to be a dark angel).

What is this dream 
That I'll never find
What is this prayer
That's stealing my mind