new navigational

back on the crescent beach - the lobster boats hummed out of the harbour this early morning - spring is finally here

Longing, felt fully, carries us to belonging.
Tara Brach  

I've been careening through life these last few weeks, few months ... it's been difficult to turn off those feelings of overwhelmedness, the feeling that my creative life (who am I kidding - my life life because it truly is all one) has become like a runaway race car, careening crazily at top speed, all over the road, into the ditch and back out a few times. Me with my hands gripping the steering wheel (?) and hanging on for dear life. One crazy, big, fabulous, scary project rushing into the next one - no pit stops, no rest stops, no time to really think. No time to catch my breath.

But Hey ! it's all good isn't it ? shouldn't it be ? isn't this exactly what I wished for ? isn't this exactly what I've been working so hard to achieve ? isn't this what I want ? ... uh ... hmmm ... erggh ... I think so.

I'm of two minds over this situation, which is no surprise as I'm of two minds about most of life's situations 'cause I'm a died in the wool fence sitter. There's a huge part of me that says to myself daily hey girlfriend ! wow ! you've become kinda popular, dare I say successful, desired, wanted and that feeling/thought is amazing and thrilling no question. It makes me feel happy and tremendously grateful. I'm also proud of myself because I've worked hard, deliberately and intentionally to get to the place I'm at today. In fact I'm exactly where I wanted to be, maybe even a little bit ahead of where I hoped to be.

A desire is anything but frivolous. It is the interface between you and that which is greater than you. No desire is meaningless or inconsequential. If it pulls you, even a little bit, it will take everyone higher. Desire is where the Divine lives, inside the inspiration of your desire. Every desire is of profound importance with huge consequences, and deserves your attention.
Mama Gena 

But ... there's another voice, that stressed out, rushed, panicked, wants to have more control voice that keeps whispering to the mad passionate creative empire building voice pardon moi ... but is this really how you want to feel ? In my spare time (insert exaggerated wink here) and while I work I soak up everything I can about personal and spiritual growth, either reading or listening to audio books and/or youtube chats (Danielle Laporte, Gabby Bernstein, Beth Nicholls, Brené Brown, Eckhart Tolle .... and on). We're a society that propels ourselves forward with our to-dos, our goals and dreams - I know I have my hand up high waving from the front row on this one - but I've been noticing two common, new to me, themes keep cropping up in all the lessons and learning I've been paying attention to. That instead of focusing on the what, the where, the who in relation to our dreams and goals ... why not try instead to instead focus on the HOW do I want to feel ? and does this line up with my VALUES ?

The HOW and the VALUES - these 2  words are sticking with me as I move forward in my quest to steer this big ship called Susan's life into brand new creative + directions. HOW do I want to feel ? and does this line up with my VALUES ? (projects, places, relationship, etc). I'm feeling confident that I've stumbled upon two most excellent new navigational tools. & Oh my dear Rumi xoxo

What you seek is seeking you.
Rumi