Friday, November 27, 2009

springtime in Paris - from les photo archives

Tell the Repo man
And the stars above
That you’re the one I love

We can twist and shout
Do the turtle dove
And you’re the one I love
You’re the one I love
The one I love

David Gray The One I Love

The cowboy's coming home early. We're hoping that the weather will cooperate. Winter weather has begun in Canada and in sudden, often unexpected, spurts and squalls. His long drive from the bald prairies into the endless boreal forest that hug the shores of the giant lakes, like oceans - is both desolate and stunningly beautiful. He's driving a well equipped new pony with super road gripping winter tires and he has the beautiful brown hound Bess as both navigator and most excellent traveling companion. He hopes to be home a week from today.

You see, we've realized that we can't live without each other, not another minute, or an hour, or another day of our lives. This is as big a love as they come. Big and true and perfect. I know there may be a few lurking naysayers among you ... and I totally get your doubts, I have them too. How could this be ? Where did this come from ? the ol' If it seems to good to be true ... and the Ooh, I'd be careful if I were you ... gang. Said of course with deepest concern (my own sister Sandra hangs out here with this tres protective crowd). He could be one of those serial Casanova types, you know - the oh so charming love 'em and leave 'em with a sexually transmitted disease kind - she saw proof of his existence just recently on Oprah. (Sandra, my younger sister who's always been so much more a mother, than my mother ever was. Cautiousness rules her world).

I know with every breath I take, with every beat of my heart, and with every ounce of my extremely analytical and obsessively pondering brain that this is real - the truest kind of love.

This blog is about my life, it's a record, both visual and written of my daily life in tiny chunks. Of course it's never a complete representation of all of my life and actually it's most often just a glimpse. But it is a glimpse of my truth, a glimpse always of the heart of my life. Good, bad, sad, or desperate. I chose from the beginning to write as I would speak - always my unabashed truth or at least the most important bit of my truth. It really is the thing I love the most about this blog - that I can and do speak my truth here ... always. I speak it and then it's set free, to float away like the beautiful glowing lanterns MLou shared with us from the Thai Loy Kratong Festival.

Each truth that floats away from me then frees up space for another brand new truth.

This person, this handsome and kind, dog loving cowboy, has affected my life in so many profound and wonderful ways, has touched so many of the chapters, already, in this big fat volume that is, and has been, my life - I still can't comprehend it ... and truthfully I've had to make myself stop trying. The old broken me keeps trying to make sense of it all, keeps trying to pick it apart and study it, keeps looking for the evidence that it will surely vanish in a blink - like a beautiful dream that I once loved. I've been hunting for the flaws and defects, where is that darn catch ? because she (who was broken) believes that there must be one.

but I can't find it and I'm realizing I'm wasting time looking.

He is the one I love.


  1. And if you (we) don't trust, and hope, and love, and dare to take risks, we leave ourselves no option but to lead small, narrow, pinched, safe lives.

    I fully understand your sister, and I could be there with her, but I know there is a time when you must just step out bravely into the unknown, and that this is your time to do just that. What an adventure!

  2. Go with what feels right and at this point I think you have no choice.The two of you are like powerful magnets pulling each other closer and closer.

  3. I understand the naysayers, but I think you have to trust in yourself on this one. It feels right doesn't it? Then enjoy it!

  4. Live life! Live love & enjoy all that comes with it.... check out Sea of No Cares (great big sea).
    Tail Wags to All.

  5. I think of Robert Browning and Elisabeth Barrett Browning...where she said "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...I love thee to the height and breadth and depth my soul doth reach..."

    you and the cowboy are the most romantic thing I have ever fact, I am in love with him! But I can't be honest if I don't say that I want him to make a lifelong commitment to you! I want you to be sheltered under his arm as the rib that God made you from....I want the pink roses for you and the lilies of the valley and the jasmine...I want you to be married on a night like "A Midsummer Night's Dream" and be together in a tumbling rose bower like Titania's. I think you DESERVE IT ALL!! I want to come hang garlands on the old brick house. I want you to have that COMMITMENT. Please don't take me off your blog list!! I have come to love you and Jake and Piper Belle and Miss Winnie Dixon and Oliver and all the kitties...and now Bess!! How beautiful you would be as a bride by the sea....Oh my goodness, now I am thinking of the music...romantic classical the cake..then a trip to Italy..then

    But the best part, coming home to the nest of down and linen.

    Oh,........we could decorate the dogs with ivy and rose garlands...and we could all come and be bridesmaids even Big Shamu. Oh, Susan, you have jumped into our hearts with all your sweet honesty, and we will be there for you whatever you do.

    I am SO glad he is coming home early..I had a feeling he would. That Canadian country sounds wild and romantic..I am glad he has a good car..maybe you could drive to meet him in the blue station wagon..

  6. Oh i am sooooo with the rest of the girls here! This is it Susan; its unmistakable. Have faith and trust in love, this feels so very very right and i'm ecstatic for you. ((((((((BIG hug)))))))))

  7. I would wish good things for you. The very

  8. When in doubt....bake.

    Big Shamu as a bridesmaid? On a beach maybe? Walking on seaglass paths to happiness.

  9. As the Newfoundlanders say "still looking for the rock in the snowball". I hope your snowball is a gyre of white crystals flurries. Soft as feathers and as strong as steel.

    Very glad about the early return. You don't want those two on the winter roads.


  10. i call what you call the "old broken you" the bad trail horse syndrome; no fun to ride cause they are always looking for boogeymen in the bushes.

    im glad you arent a bad trail horse.

    be happy.

    6-10 days you'll get your box of 15 things. but the cowboy will be home and you wont notice.

    but i will get to open my ALICE box. yayaa.

  11. You're good. It's love. Be as happy as you are.

  12. worrying about broken, won't make it stay away and we are all reveling in your happiness now, and I for one am not worrying about the future for I read recently "the way to make God laugh is to make plans" plans for the future were taken from me, so I will have to make new ones, new keep going.

    Live, love your dream

  13. as tou relise your sister says it, think it, worries it ot of love, No? But yes, it can dampen what you know is real. There is always that bit in the back on of one's mind that can wonder but I don't wish to do that. no, embrace it fully. Soak it up like sponge and live all that life has given you now. NOTHING is guaranteed. We could slip on ice and break our neck tomorrow but does that mean we don't venture out of our seat today? No, you, get up, live it and enjoy what this day brings as best you can. I'd say you get a hearty A +!


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