surrounded by love

Saturday, March 22, 2014

itty bitty Betty in her laundry room basket in a room of her own (complete with closed french door, no boy cats & with all the essential feline amenities) someone's a lil' Princess / I do love to pose in sunshine - handsome Oliver / the big black velvet chicelet Bleet / cats lounging - that darn Virgil, he makes me smile / itty bitty Betty's breakfast nook (also in the laundry room of her own) / my favourite place - the chocolate brown nest / I also look very handsome wrapped in contrasting flannel / itty bitty Betty, once again, in her laundry room basket with a patch of  sunlight - natch / I ♡ cardboard boxes, especially ones with windows / ocelot / Oliver on the cat pillow in my studio surveying the scene

There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.

Richard Bach

There's a difference between knowing and believing something. Believing it in that true & faith-full way. I am a perfectionist, no question, a perfectionist in that it's like carting around a 20lb shield way that Brené Brown talks about in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. I try very hard to never fail or make mistakes and I know that that is crazy talkin'. I know that's crazy by heart. I can recite a whole raft of quotations about the necessity of failure and mistake making in achieving success and authenticity in life, even more quotations remind me/us that if you don't feel vulnerable (Fear and Doubt) from time to time you're probably not living a very exciting or passionate life.

Perfectionism is like a 20lb shield that we carry with a thought process that says this, 'If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, and do it all perfectly, I can avoid or minimize feeling shame, blame, and judgement. 

Brené Brown

I do know these things are true, but I'm still learning to believe that they're true. And the only path I can see to believing is plain old trial by fire, plain old try, fail, make mistakes (& big ones) ... then get back up, fail again, try again, fail better.

I'm trying to let go of a long time dependency to sleep medication, a dependency from another time in my life, a time far far away from where I stand now. A time when Fear & Doubt ruled the roost around here especially in the middle of the night, that darn witching hour 1am - 3am. Nights (or early morning's) when if I woke up Worry & Loneliness, Doubt & Fear would all pile into the bed with me and I would feel physically & emotionally overcome with Panic and Sleeplessness. I began taking 1mg of Ativan at bedtime, it worked like a charm ... for years and years and it still works now but smothering my feelings and my fears isn't how I want to live anymore.

Last night as I lay awake, yet another night, through the witching hour instead of Doubt & Fear I felt instead absolutely immense gratitude, and for so many reasons, even or maybe especially for my mistakes. I thought to myself at this moment right NOW I have absolutely everything I've ever wanted or needed. I am surrounded by love ... so what's the deal with this fear thing ;-)

I have everything I need or want
I am surrounded by love ... it's true
I am filled with gratitude

Brené Brown's 2 famous TED talks on shame and vulnerability - watch & repeat as necessary + happy weekend


  1. Love to see photos of your cats. Hope Miss Betty's condition is clearing up.

  2. What a collection of well-tended cats, reflecting what you give them.

  3. Thanks BH & John ;-)

    and yes I've been meaning to mention that even though itty bitty Betty is being harassed on a regular basis by adolescent boys her fur is indeed almost completely grown back - it's all that spoiling' her Papa gives her. She is, without a doubt Daddy's lil' girl

  4. I love the curled paws on Virgil, my cat Lucy does the same thing.
    Love to Itty Bitty Betty, she is a stunning beauty and more love the the rest of the gang.
    Susan, per my naturopath, the 3 AM ish awake time is pancreas time, the pancreas overdoing its job - that was my awake hour plus. She gave me natural supplements to help and I am now sleeping through that hour until our young cat wants us up to play at 6 AM, otherwise it would be sleeping in longer - naturally.
    Ping if you want any details. I credit naturopath on getting me rebalanced.

  5. thanks Kitty I will email you in the morning
    merci sweet Sybil ... sweet dreams it is xoxo S + Gang

  6. Gorgeous photos of your kitties dear Susan, some lovely stripes, spots and paws. Mine like to lay on their backs also, they look so cute.
    I am so pleased to read that Itty Bitty Betty is feeling better and that her fur has almost grown back, she is a pretty little girl.
    Love to all!
    xoxoxo ♡

  7. Susan - I second what Kitty said. I've been seeing a naturopath for 20 months. I take a natural supplement to help me sleep. I sleep much better now. Hubby used to say I slept about once every 17 nights. Many other things also now balanced out and doing much better. Happier, easier to be around, not as harsh with my loved ones, more relaxed about the constant "perfection" quest that I also am slave to.


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