bursting

flowering crab apple in our back garden

Oh what a weekend ... and my apologies for the tres long post

A weekend which seemed chock full of little moments of pure goodness. Saturday as Winnie D and I were coming back home from our evening stroll in the park by the harbour we stopped on the street between my house and my neighbour Florence's. Her daughter and husband were visiting from Alberta. A couple who I've met a dozen times or so each summer often chatting about my dogs - Em & Jake their fenced in dog yard sprawls between our two properties and over the years any and all company visiting at Florence's would make at least a few visits to the Black Street Welcoming Committee the pale golden and rich red retrievers. The Hey ! how ya doin' we sure do LOVE company dogs. If you've ever known a retriever you'll know that's their big claim to fame. They LOVE everybody !!! gregarious and exuberant always - my red & golden ice breakers.

As I stood on the street Saturday night, Miss D way ahead at the far end of her retractable lead, tail completely tucked between her legs and shuddering slightly (she is the opposite of Welcoming - she's afraid someone will try to kidnap her, she has a very vivid imagination and tendency toward worse case scenario - sound like anyone else you know ? wink) this very sweet middle aged husband & wife (I can't remember their names which is terrible) and I spoke for 15 mins, mostly about our dogs. They said goodbye to their 12 year old lab Lady last year about the same time I said goodbye to Jake. They remembered both Em & Jake vividly, a highlight of their trips home was always a stroll over to our fence to visit with the red & gold Welcoming Commitee. I told them how It felt like I'd die of sadness when Jake died and they both looked at me nodding ... they new exactly how that felt. I told them I was in love with that dog. More nodding and she said I totally understand, I felt the same way. She told me it was just now, well over a year that they were starting to feel OK again. I nodded. We chatted some more about their travels -they're road trip people (something I've always longed to do, I'm a great navigator and all round excellent co-pilot) they drove to Nova Scotia from Alberta via California (if you look at a map you'll see that's a lot o'drivin') and they're off to Newfoundland later in June where they'll stay for 4-6 weeks driving around the entire province. You could tell that they were happy and in love with each other, they just kind of beamed.

As Winnie Dixon (who was now tremendously relieved that once again she had foiled the kidnappers and was safe again - if only for awhile) and I walked the few steps left to our door and came into the house I couldn't quite understand why I felt like crying. I felt that heavy catch in my throat and tears were beginning to well up in my eyes. As I puttered around the kitchen beginning to prepare my dinner I realized it wasn't sadness about Jake & Em - my tears were tears of gratitude, of feeling such connection. If you are open to it and always paying attention it seems goodness is really everywhere just waiting to be felt & appreciated. I wanted to run back over to Florences' house and say I can't remember your names ... it was so nice to speak with you, could I have a hug please ? that conversation meant so much to me. A completely out of the blue, casual, standin' on the street, swatting at the mosquitoes conversation absolutely made my day, made my weekend. It was a lesson. They're here for a few weeks, I'll get to speak to them again.

My 12 year old yard guy AJ brought me a tree Saturday, he hooked his red wagon up to his bicycle and drove to my house with a gift for me - a potted shrub. A variegated silverleaf dogwood. A shrub that I don't have in this vast yard and garden and one that I do love and have often thought of getting. Dogwoods of course have those lovely red berries in the fall that the birds love. He's coming back Tuesday and together we'll decide where the best spot to plant it is. How sweet is that ?

Deb and Maggy Sue arrived yesterday after lunch for what has become our every Sunday get an ice cream cone, sit a spell in the park and then walk with the dogs ritual. Winnie loves to see Maggy Sue - she's her best girlfriend and Miss D has come to believe that Deb is not interested in kidnapping her. Phew ! Deb brought me two cooked lobsters left over from the Volunteer Fireman's Surf & Turf BBQ & Dance held the night before - I cleaned the lobster and made lobster salad ready for lobster rolls on today's lunch menu. Swoony sigh.

Yesterday was hot and sunny and breezy and perfect. The kids were plunging off the big wharf into the cool deep water all afternoon. I puttered in the garden awhile, I planted a new bed of cosmos, I drank ice tea, hung clothes and bedding on the line to dry, I lay on top of my bed by the open window with a breeze blowing in and listened to the buzzing whir of hummingbird wings and I watched Oliver as he cleaned and groomed himself meticulously and I felt totally bursting with goodness.

Bursting with happiness.

oh my

Have No Mercy !! -chocolate peanut butter love

With homemade (kinda) chocolate, peanut butter, vanilla love ice cream.

I did something crazy yesterday - something I'd been thinking about doing for weeks. I've been waiting and watching our grocery store sale flyer, waiting for the premium ice cream to be on special again (it's on special every few weeks and Mama sure does love to save a couple of bucks). So home I came with my tub of Cookies and Cream (they were out of French Vanilla, but oh well I thought, C & C is my second favourite flavour - tastes just like real cream, real vanilla and pieces of Oreo cookies). I let the ice cream soften awhile on the kitchen counter and then added 9 (count em) 9 chopped up Reese's peanut butter cups stirred in gently. I then softened 1/2 cup crunchy peanut butter in the microwave and added that in blobs, letting each blob cool and solidify before stirring it into the ice cream. Once this beautiful concoction of mine was well blended I scooped it back into the container and placed it into the far regions of my freezer to firm up again. Sigh.


There it is !! the top of the cake completely covered in Reese's peanut butter cups

Yesterday afternoon Harry stopped by to deliver a slab of his Have No Mercy! C & PB cake pour moi. Uh Huh Uh Huh !! Friday in this little village our annual & pretty darn famous cake auction took place at the village bank. A fundraiser for our summer Harbour Fest Fête. Celebrities abounded, the place was totally packed and 60 cakes in total were auctioned off and nearly $20,000.00 was raised - I know it's crazy ! they bid like fools on these made-with-love wares. Harry's contribution to the auction, he who is famous in these parts for being very much a fantastic gourmet cook & baker, was a four layer towering monster of chocolate and peanut butter love that we dubbed the Have ! No ! Mercy ! cake - Mama designed the tag. He, being the smart guy that he is, made two cakes, a second two layer version for all the sous chefs, tag makers and assorted hanger-ons to enjoy later. Merci !

I'm wondering how I could make this count for my Dim Sum Sunday contribution - the theme this week is South of the Border - Maybe I could make a slight change - to North of the Border (subtitled those Crazy Canucks they always do whatever they want anyway). Que Cake & Ice Cream Passa ?

and lastly ... 'tis the perfect place for my best loved and tres often spoken quote

Deny thyself nothing
L. Meagher


Les cakes - ya gotta have a lobster cake in these parts. Yum ???

who are you ?

Bleet(ness) - our big fat black velvet chiclet - Nessie Ness

It's as still as still can be this early morning. The air is warm and quiet and all our windows are open wide. The sky is overcast and pale grey and all I can hear are the birds in the garden. It's rained through the night and the air is damp and smells lush and green. Saturday. A lobster boat just trailed out of the harbour and past our second floor windows, sailing on water dark and grey and smooth like glass.

I had hoped to begin the second phase of a large new collection of photo frames this weekend - the final stage, the technical to-scale final drawings - the stage just before the invoice and les cheque. I hate to make it all sound about money but Mama's gotta pay some bills and this particular project (which seems like a big & lucrative one) has been lingering on far too long in the beginning stage. Sigh.

Which reminds me ... if you ever wonder why or how I could sell this house and move from this place. Please remember it's mostly a financial decision. It's not that I don't love this old brick house or this little village by the sea but the maintenance and upkeep and just plain living expenses are realistically too much for this single income gal to handle. I suspect I'm in some financial denial, I wonder if in the end I'm actually not going a little more into debt each year and likely have been for many years. I worry about money constantly and that is the biggest drag of all. The other factors I'm considering - I don't enjoy driving (at all) and my car is a beater (97' teal coloured Escort and former dog wagon) so I am stuck miles away from best friend and designer gal MLou, miles away from courses at the art college, more CE* possibilities and cultural, social and all round new and much desired general stimulation. I've felt, this past year, quite Lonely and really for the first time I can ever remember.

Lonely's not good. I used to be Susan and her dogs. Oh hey! there's goes Susan with her car full of dogs. They filled me up, they were my family, they kept my life busy and full of purpose. I seem to know in my heart that the answer at this time is not more dogs although I do consider that possibility daily. I stalk my local animal shelter web site, daily, worrying that I'll miss another Jake dog. I promise myself I won't go there ... but I do, every day. I miss that life, I long for that old life. But that's not how it works. I am sure it's not about trying to go back somewhere, it's not about trying to recreate my past ... 'cause I've thought about that plenty. It's got to be about a new chapter. I need to go, to be, somewhere new, at the very least in my mind and in my heart - if not literally and physically somewhere new and I do feel afraid.

For now I am trying to have a little moratorium on those big thoughts, those big questions and decisions. I'm just trying - to be - day by day, moment by moment. I don't know who I am right now and I do know that I'm hiding out here in this little village by the sea while I wait to find out who it is I'm becoming now. And it is such a lovely, perfect place to hide.

Who are you ? said the Caterpillar
I–I hardly know, Sir, just at present Alice replied rather shyly
at least I know who I was when I got up this morning
but I think I may have changed many times since then.

Lewis Carroll - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland






CE* Creative Empire

lavender & lilac

uh huh ! more lilacs and lovely light

Lavender bubbles pourin' in honour of this early morning's post. The sun's just up, the birds have begun their daily routine. Les Gang are all sleeping in this morning. I think maybe there's rain in the forecast and you know I can't tell you why ...
but Mama sure does loves the rain.

Spent another day puttering around Harry's little home decor and gift store yesterday. Our summer season is not yet in full swing so it's a bit slow on the customer front but I managed to while away the day listening to CBC and working on some paperwork of my own. I'm realizing how good it is for me to get outta Dodge for a spell, just to hang in the outside world for hours on end, leave behind all the to-dos, want to-dos & should-dos that come with living in my 100+ old fixer upper brick cottage. Ahhhhhh ! my spirit seemed to say at the end of the day. I was thinking back to last summer and wondering why I hadn't worked a bit in his store as I had done the year before - the summer of 2007. And I realized that last summer I felt dead - Ache & Sadness were smothering me. I missed my big red dog Jake so much. I was stuck in a deep mire of grief. I still think about him every day, often a thought will come whooshing out of nowhere and hit me like a punch that takes my breath away. It amazes me, still, how much I loved that dog - how much I leaned on him. How much goodness he brought to my life ... to our life. Love ya Noodle.

Hey ! I got a parcel in the mail yesterday. A lavender-lilac package of goodness. Awhile back I left a comment over at daily haunt Stripey Pebble Austen was having a little fav colour give away and Hey ! I won. I was expecting sweets and little good things but Wow ! was I surprised and thrilled to receive this beautiful, made by A, sweet little clasp purse. Thrilled.
I love it !! Merci A.


the book Happiness Is ... a wee present to myself, arrived in the mail as well

lovin'

lily of the valley

This nearly black nail polish on my lily white, Birkenstock clad, toes - tres chic (at least I believe it to be so with my fleece and cargo pants attire - my constant, and oh so casual WNTW ensemble). Wink • this achingly beautiful song • the intense beautiful scent from a tiny bouquet of lily of the valley by my bedside • PBS ! my favourite TV channel. I watched this previously taped (Sunday night) episode of Nature about Death Valley last night with my dinner - SO interesting and amazing photography • spending a day at a job where I talk (in person) to people occasionally and when I lock-up at 5pm I don't need to think about it again all evening. sigh • the deep, loud throaty purrs of the Nessie Ness - he has the absolute best purr • the smell of salt air, seaweed and low tide. Sitting a spell, once again in the early evening on our big rock - me and Miss D. staring out into the strait, watching seagulls and blue herons and a lobster boat arriving back into the harbour after a day of fishing • a ziploc bag of baby arugula and mixed greens from Harry's backyard greenhouse - I'll make this simple salad • birds, birds, birds - fascinating me - I just ordered this book from my library • the sound and smell of very soft and gentle rain.

Back to the little gift shop for a half shift today. I'm off around 2pm and back to the TTD hopefully to begin a big stack of final technical drawings for customer No Uno.

red tulips

where the birds are - a path of red in our back forest

Hey ! you were warned. This is the season where everywhere I look around this yard and garden something is brilliant and the light is often amazing.

I begin my very part time job this morning at BFF Harry's small gift and decor store, throughout the summer I'll work 1 or 2 days a week and make a lovely little sum of pocket money. Actually I'll make more than enough to pay for my recently acquired and much appreciated extended health care insurance. In Canada every citizen is covered by our national health plan Medicare (crazy socialists that we are) which covers pretty much all of our basic health needs, the plan that I recently signed up for extends that basic coverage giving me some extra protection, plus peace of mind and I've added long term disability insurance as well ... just in case - I am after all a single self-employed person (with four dependents - wink). If Mama couldn't work ... well we'd be in some trouble.

It likely will be slow dans les gift shop today as the summer season is not yet in full swing in our little Cape Cod of the North village so I've decided to take a huge and cumbersome paper work project that is dying to be completed and much long overdo so that I can while away the time in between customers doing a nasty job that otherwise doesn't seem like it will ever be done. All the while listening to my fav CBC shows. Hope you have yourself a perfect Wednesday.

I'm just off to the lands of Blue Skies and bubbles.
And Hey ! magically - no more leaking ceiling. Merci Universe !






Q with host Jian Ghomeshi is one of those favourite shows. Jian had Brooklyn band the National on Q live the other day. Love them, LOVE his voice and love this song ... plus the video for another favourite - Fake Empire (a song Obama used during his election campaign - cool tidbit).

heavenly

lavender and white lilacs in the sunny kitchen window

Be warned - many more flower photographs to come. I think it's safe to say that I love taking photographs and oh the choices of subject matter that abound me now are completely breathtaking. Everywhere I look there's something that catches my eye. There are kittens curled up and kissing or napping in large patches of warm sun, scraggly black girls pose looking always exactly like love and throughout our tangled yard and gardens everywhere blossoms are blooming, sunlight is dappling, and all of the greens that exist are beginning to show off their own distinct flare of hue and shade ... and I do wonder to myself how could I ever leave this place?

Actually I am afraid to leave this place. It feels so safe here. It seems like I fit here.
I'm not confident that I would fit somewhere else. That is my struggle.

lilacs 3

tout la Gang came out in full force for this exciting event

Mama's created a big bouquet of lilacs, just ready to bloom, on our sunny kitchen table. Wow ! How tres exciting for them ! Cat's are so funny - it's as if they truly believe that everything you do must surely be ultimately for their entertainment benefit. Curious with a capital C. And yes that actually is the ever elusive and rarely seen Mr. Aloof himself - our Lil' Man handsome Gus in the bottom photo.

Well yesterday was one of those days. Those days where large plans were dreamed up early in the day yet never did come to fruition. One of those days when evening begins and you look back at the hours that have past and wonder what exactly did I do today ? what did I get done ? I do know that I was up and walking around or sitting here at the TTD (I didn't loll for too long in the afternoon on top of the nest with my book and the summer breezes). We did, Miss D and I have a lovely walk in the park and an ice cream cone with our friends Deb and Maggy Sue (Winnie's best girlfriend and caramel golden retriever).

Oh well. There's always so much a person could be doing, it just never ends ...

*TTD teak topped desk

flit-ting

forget-me-nots picked from our gardens yesterday

to flit

verb (used without object)

to move lightly and swiftly; fly, dart, or skim along: bees flitting from flower to flower.

Well I'm not sure about the lightly or the swiftly or even the skimming but there was most definitely much darting. Darting about the yard and garden, in the back door and out the front door and around the side. I normally call it puttering but yesterday was definitely a day of mad scattered flitting. It's terrible - Focus and I have never been the best of pals and put me outside in our expanse of yard and garden and Focus just throws in the towel and leaves to go get an ice cream and sit awhile in the park leaving me to my Oh let's begin half a dozen little jobs all at the same time routine - I'll leave a trail of tools behind me as I go (instead of breadcrumbs) and hopefully will eventually find my way back to them. I'll totally trash a few areas in my path so that by 3pm, when Mama's fading and needs a coffee break (urgently) I'll look around, sigh and think Oh my ! How did this big mess happen ? I'll take a deep breath, have that much needed cup of coffee and begin chipping away at my mess and finish up a few of those projects. I am always totally amazed at how easily I become distracted and diverted when I'm outside. Oh who am I kidding - I'm like that inside as well.

And ... how hard can it be to put together the 6 piece tubular metal frame for les Hammock ? - tres hard it turns out. Instructions for this cheap (you get what you pay for) hammock in a metal frame unit initially were so easy, so simple that they were quickly discarded that first season. I put it together twice yesterday with both Winnie Dixon and Bleet advising from the sidelines. Each time I finished putting it together I laid down on the hammock to test it. Both times my body lie prone in quite a severe v-shape. Hmmmmm- this can't be right. After two attempts I took it apart, put it back in the shed and made a mental note to ponder the hammock's construction awhile more before making assemblage attempt No. 3. Sigh.

My new best friend is a 12 year old boy. A boy who works really hard, keeps me company, keeps me focused and asks lots of thought provoking questions about nature, gardening and birds while we work. He brought a new helper friend over Friday night named Jeff. Jeff looked around the yard and looked up at me and said You must really like flowers ? My new friend and yard boy Ajay looked at me knowingly and then back at Jeff and said matter-of-factly She's an artist.
How cute is that ?

Rain in the forecast. Great Sunday CBC radio. Teak toppin' it today - all day.

weekend notes

more pink tulips in setting sunlight

the plumber called Wednesday
I'll have to cut a hole in your ceiling he told me
since then the leak is no longer leaking ?? - assuming the best

I'll pick a huge bouquet of forget-me-nots from the garden today • do more loads of washing and hang them on the line to dry • SPF 30 spray-on sun protection and plenty of bug spray too • will work outside in the garden for a few hours with my yard boys • Miss D and I will hang out in the park later on this evening, it's become our nightly ritual • I might have an ice cream cone - which of course I'll share with Mr Calico Love - Oliver • I'll set up the hammock in the back garden with the birds and make a big jug of lemony iced tea • I'll read a bit more of my current book (a real page turner), perhaps dans les hammock • I'll be thinking about MLou who's spending the weekend out on the seas racing her sailboat with a crew of 4. It's quite windy here this morning (a North wind I was told in the park this morning) so she and her crew should be whooshing along • will tidy my office, do some filing and draw up les plan for next week • I'll draw more thumbnails for customer No Uno while listening to my fav CBC radio shows • change the sugar water in the hummingbird feeder and hammer a few more orange halves to the big tree - my oriole lure • and I will be happy in the moments as they arrive because I am almost always happy in the moment I'm in ... I just forget to be in it and I always get into trouble when I try to swim out to Future or if I wade back into Past.

a new take ?

a few new perspectives

You change your life
by changing your heart

Anonymous

Uh Huh. Sounds pretty simple.

For the next 30 days I've decided to, in each & every teeny tiny or monstrously large situation, event or issue to - assume the best. 'Tis my new motto. Every time I feel that Fear & Dread are sneaking up on me I will quickly flash them the hand and repeat to myself.

assume the best

For 30 days ... what have I got to lose ?

I'm off to school again this morning to hang with teenagers. Another two yard guys (the fifteen year old boys) are back as a separate team so I now have 4, count em, FOUR yard guys. Hooray ! Yesterday was absolutely beautiful, very warm and very windy. I love warm wind. I opened all the windows, freshly washed sheets and pillowcases flapped on the line, the leaves which are just out, rustled in the wind and Miss D and I went down into the park in the early evening where we both lay in the thick green grass next to our sparkling harbour, we let the sunshine beat down on us and we stared up at a blue, blue sky and we spoke to our big red dog who's up there somewhere and always with us there on the grass. We tell him how much we love him, how we miss him and oh how we wish he could stay awhile.