sure !

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Oliver on the bathroom windowsill - the portrait on the pink wall is of Brent

True friends stab you in the front

Oscar Wilde

always in the front and always just nicking the heart

Bubbles and scent are pouring. The wind is howling outside my office windows. The Ness has gone out to prowl around in darkness and everyone else (Missy D, Piper Belle, Oliver & Gus) is waiting patiently for les action to begin. I so love this time of day. I feel safe and secure when it's still dark. It's so quiet, the world immediately around me seems to be still sleeping, the day is brand new and I know without a doubt that anything and everything is possible. Yesterday was a very good day. I put a large dent in that pile of things accumulating here on the teak topped desk and around this old brick house. I worked steadily until evening when I just couldn't work anymore. I think I have bitten off much more than I can chew - which I so hate to admit. In my world and in my head there is no limit and that's not good. There has to be a limit ... but oh my, how to find it ?

It's the ultimate curse of the freelance designer - you never, ever want to utter the word "No" you nod and say "Yes !" to it all, while the voice in your head madly whispers "But how ? you fool". Each customer believes, because you allow it, that they are the one and only and of course their project is of the highest priority and there is no way to explain to them that actually you have several priorities. The multiple priority in itself is a bit of an oxymoron and no one but you really believes in it's existence. What to do ? What to do ? Should I lie ? make up some wild excuse ? I'm terrible at that. Should I tell the truth ? Heart on sleeve girl would much prefer this solution. These long term customers of mine, they feel so like friends, we've developed relationships, maybe I'll confide in them ? or maybe they'll interpret this recent mad popularity of my design skills as a feather in their own cap ? Wow !! she must be good, she's so busy, she's so popular - we want her more ? All good yes, but it won't ultimately solve the problem of how many hours does it really take to be brilliant ? Sigh.

I know in my heart what I must do - I must keep quiet, say as little as possible. Lies only of omission. Nose to teak topped desk. Keep to my schedule as best I can. Breath deeply and keep counting the days until the cowboy comes home ... his aim is true.


  1. Glad to know that the TTD is humming and that the cowboy is riding in on schedule.

    xoxo ML

  2. Brent - a long ago best friend who sadly died of AIDS at the end of the 80's. We met at art college and fell instantly fast and deep in platonic love.

  3. Bummer. Here's to Brent, one of the folks that live in our hearts.

  4. Oh Susan I know exactly what you mean about Multiple Priorities. Its a terribly bad and wonderfully good situation to be in. Im in it at the moment. I know good may come of it, WILL come of it, but - sigh - I just dont like it at the moment. I must need to discover a better way to cope I guess. I wish I was one of those Wonderwoman girls who can do everything with ease, speed and grace.

    Anyway its a good thing the CBoy will be home soon to cook you dinners and look after you. By the way, I think he looks more like an aeroplane pilot.

  5. As a freelance designer too--I so get this but i have to say I don;t think my work is going as gangbusters. I am emotionally unable to bear much as a result presently too but you forge through so thus can I! :D

  6. this Oscar Wilde quote is perfect for a the Theme Thursday topic this week. I might have to lift it adn credit you but not sure i have time before heading out today.


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