love, fear & copper fin pipe

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

a brand new copper coil for our Miss Saturn (she's developed a bit of a crush on the cowboy)

Courage is not the absence of fear,
but the mastery of it.


And that would be the big, huge, all encompassing, never before felt - love (not toward a human being anyway - canines and felines have always been exempt from that particular embargo, of course). Love's best friend Fear is constantly nattering away at me, often in a voice so quiet it's almost imperceptible be careful he whispers why ? I sometimes think to sass back You may get hurt he replies. And the butterfly's begin to play in my stomach. Fear's right, I know that. Nothing is for sure, there are no guarantee's erggh how I hate those words but I've chosen, this time, to try Brave, to have Courage in love after such a long time of holding most of my love so tight to me it felt like it was killing me - how incredibly lovely this feels to let it out ... all of it, gushing, pouring, spreading. Maybe this flood of love will drown Fear ... I hope so.

Oh and shiny new copper fin pipe - my high efficiency Saturn boiler - she has a brand new coil. It was installed yesterday after many days of intense planning and deliberation. Installed with as much love, care and blinding intelligence as I've ever known. No wonder I feel so much intensity he, my cowboy, makes me feel weak I love him so and I feel stunned with gratitude - everyday, every day ... every moment it seems.

This beautiful old brick house now has one perfect efficient heating system and she is filling with love from the ground up. Merci Universe Merci.

We're in the midst of a winter storm this early morning, blizzard conditions, zero visibility and the like. The cowboy and the beautiful brown hound are tucked safely in their white farm house just across the bridge waiting for the squalling snow to stop and he and I shared a cup of coffee and a phone chat just after 5am. Sigh.

ain't she a beauty ?


  1. That is one amazing cowboy you have there.

  2. Nobody is more excited for you regarding tearing out, planning and refurbishing the old stuff. I SO know about renovating, fixing and just turfing old, crappy stuff. Some of my van loads to the dump amazed Fred...I knew him by name after awhile... and this is a big city! One day he asked what the heck I was dumping and I said..."my bathroom" ... it filled the van to the gunnels... and cost a bundle to dump! We too have been recreating new, beautiful, hard working equipment... re-doing every single room... learning to tile, do plumbing, electrical, drywall and of course... Greg is now a painter extraordinaire... this house has been painted 3 separate times in the 24 years we have lived in it. We even painted the outside stucco one year... what a couple of nuts. But.. hey... the family that plays together...stays together... even if it is only us two. We still need baseboards on several rooms on the main floor and a bit of window moulding...and ...well, it never ends; we have lived in a state of flux for years. Liveable, but still not quite finished.... and now... poorGreg is tired of it all. But.... when spring comes...we put on the last push.... and by late summer.... the house should be done. Although, at the same time...we must work on the outside... maybe I can do the digging while he is painting. We will be changing the whole southwest side to Xeriscaping this year. Well, maybe "me" will... while he enjoys newly air conditioned comfort inside.... hahahahha.....

    oooh... blabby me... some days...I say more than any commenter..... sigh......good thing I'm not here every single day....

  3. Hey BVee, you blab as much and as long as your big heart desires. I know, that you (and Mr. BVee) know of what I speak). Had to google xeriscaping - now that sounds like a fun project and maybe I could send La Beast Rouge on a slow boat to coastal France - although guess who loves mowing the lawn with a push mower ? Uh Huh He (the cowboy) loves the exercise and the time to ruminate his next project. Totally smitten am I.
    xo les Gang - with a special hello from the handycat Oliver.

  4. Hey Susan, if you're going to drown, love is the sweetest way to go, and painless when done properly. You seem pain free these days, may it continue old friend.
    I do love the look of all that copper.............

  5. i am delighted that you will finally be warm in your home as you work at the ttd. yay!

  6. Yeah, push mowers 4ever!!! You gotta do your part for clean air & exercise.
    Love those copper pipes too.
    Tail wags & hope you build a snow doggie.

  7. Hrumph.

    I still say you should get a goat.

  8. That big, beautiful furnace means security--warmth, dependability, shelter, thrift, preparedness, and love for the whole project...I love this wonderful cowboy!

  9. I love the look of a cowboy in your cellar. Sigh.

  10. This is so well written, commendations for this piece.

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  11. I missed your blog for a few days and as I'm catching up, this post brought me to tears. How wonderful....


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