a little grief

Friday, April 9, 2010

Piper Belle - Sunny Bunny - sweetest coyote mix ever

In his grief over the loss of a dog, a little boy stands for the first time on tiptoe,
peering into the rueful morrow of manhood. After this most inconsolable of
sorrows there is nothing life can do to him that he will not be able somehow to bear.

James Thurber

A little grief is certainly w-a-y better than a whole lotta grief - better than that thick smothering kind of grief that I know so well - the kind of Sadness & Ache that takes over you and your life and makes you wish that you were gone too. But a little grief is still grief just the same. I miss PB, Piper Belle our Sunny Bunny. I feel a kind of delayed pissed offness about the whole thing. How is it life just keeps moving on without her in it ? I'm not pissed off at anyone or anything in particular I just feel angry that we didn't really have the time to get to know her the way we should have, the way we wanted to. That she wasn't feeling well for the best part of our six months together and that we didn't really get to know the complete Piper Belle. The dog she would've been had she been healthy and feeling good. I'm sad about that because even in sickness she was such a little character.

We did see snippets of her kooky, wild & free personality in the very beginning when she and Bess would play and play and play. Leaping and crashing and snorting and gnashing. She had the wiggliest, waggiest tail and rear end I'd ever seen. She was very cuddly and affectionate and she definitely had a big ol' crush on the cowboy. Whenever we drove somewhere in the teal wagon, Winnie would always be in the front in the passenger seat and Piper would have the entire back seat to herself and she used this space like a treadmill. The whole time the car was in motion Piper would be running back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, window to window. Never frantically it just seemed she enjoyed driving in the car in that fashion - a little exercise time. If we had all three dogs with us and she had to share the back seat with Winnie or Bess she would run in place instead. That memory of her makes me smile. She was a funny, sweet little coyote terrier mix.

I miss her, we miss her ... even at this ripe old age of mine I still feel a kind of stunned disbelief that a life (big or small) can be there with you one moment and then be gone the next. I hate (and always will) that I'm responsible for making that life or death decision with my much loved animal friends - no matter how needed or appropriate the decision may be it's one that always haunts me. I hate it. It was made easier this time because the cowboy was with us - it became our decision and not one that had to rest only on my own shoulders - which was such relief. Hey sweet PB - we sure do miss you.

I found this photo yesterday while cleaning out my clutter and stuff. Winnie Dixon at 3 (she's 11 now) and who's that tres handsome red dog in the background. Uh Huh ! That's the boy, Jake, my canine boyfriend and all round soul mate dog for 12 years.

Hey Missy D - 3 years old taken in 2002- and the handsome Jake in the background


  1. Sending a hug your way. No matter which way you slice it, it's still grief, right?

  2. I'm sad to hear this news. Sending love from the manor. xx

  3. Love the retriever pose of course...oh & that pin point determination is stunning in the foreground. My mom is always thinking of past Goldens with a tear & a big smile.
    Tail Wags Always,

  4. What a beautiful history here Susan...a fitting tribute to the enormous contribution made by animals so dear to our heart.

  5. I feel your sadness when I see her sweet face. Wishing she had more time with you, many more happy days.

  6. I cried not a few tears when I saw the picture of Piper Belle. I loved her (all the way from Tennessee). She reminded me of my little Arfie who died from the same cancer. We had to make the decision, too. And I know you were glad to find the pictures of Winnie and Jake.

  7. Tears - such a sweet doggie. I keep coming back to the truth that her life with you was short but had an entire universe, a whole infinity, of love in it.

  8. Aww, so sweet and so bittersweet. You loved he as much as you could.


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