struggle + shame

Friday, November 19, 2010

lately the more abstract the photo the more I love it - pale lavender asters gone to seed

I struggle with Life. Just plain ol' Life.

I have struggled a very long time. I feel much of the time that I don't belong here, that I don't fit this world we live in. Where would I go, where can I go ? When I feel that I'm struggling I feel shame - I know my struggle is only in my head and that I should be able to use my will and my smarts to battle this struggle with Life. But so many times I just want to lie down in a bed of animals high up on a fast sailing cloud in a blue, blue sky and wave our big white flag because I don't want to struggle anymore.

I am ashamed at this confession. I feel shame because I know that there many people near me and many others far away who struggle with unbearable sadness & tragedy in their Life and they don't give up and I wonder if I even know what real struggle is. I suspect not.

How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine your teeth til meaningless
Sharpen them with lies

And whatever's going down
Will follow you around
That's how you fight loneliness
You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke
And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you ever need
That's how you fight it

Wilco - How to Fight Lonliness - from the soundtrack of Girl Interrupted


  1. You are NOT alone!! I feel the same way a lot of the time.

  2. Guess we all feel that at one time or another. Cool pictures
    Benny & Lily

  3. The older I have become, the more I am happy with my own pace, and solitude.
    I think the world is full of people who feel the same.
    Nothing to worry about, it's your life, live it as it pleases you.
    Oftentimes I say, "I like being in my own little world, everybody knows me in here".
    I absolutely am in awe of your pictures, and subjects :)
    Thank you for sharing and making my day brighter.

  4. Wow, I feel that way too... most of the time.

  5. Always so nice to find words of encouragement + commiseration here, you have no idea how much it means. Thank you all xo S

  6. I'm there with you, sister! {{{HUG}}}}

  7. I feel that sometimes too Susan and the shame and guilt cuz i have a great hubby, kids and gkids, beautiful home etc. I feel like i need a trip back to the home planet to get revitalized again. Think it's just a woman thing and it'll soon go away.

  8. I love this Buddhist saying: "Don't believe everything you think" They are only thoughts which doesn't necessarily make them true. Penny

  9. Hearing you Susan. No shame involved.Who made the rules anyway.Time for quiet people to rewrite them and take credit for the ability to enjoy (tolerate?) solitude. Having said that, I do feel that at many times shyness has held me back. Lots of understanding coming your way, and a heap of admiration for your photographic talent!x

  10. I feel this way sometimes as well--tired of the struggle and disappointments and wish my beloved aunt who brought me up would come and get me from her place in the sky. And I'm 56! On the other hand, I think this is some kind of transitional time in life--there are times when the beauty of the world seems more and more precious. I know that my mood is affected by the dark (I live in ME). Also, in general, at least for me, the holidays suck.

  11. talk to someone about your feelings. Don't let them get the best of you. And remember, feelings are not facts.

    keep sharing,


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