Thursday, November 14, 2013

beams of love & sunshine - scenes from my crisp autumn walk this morning with my best girl, my love, Miss Winnie Dixon

She awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy. And during the course of each day her heart would descend from her chest into her stomach. By early afternoon she was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for her, and by the desire to be alone. By evening she was fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of her grief, alone in her aimless guilt, alone even in her loneliness. I am not sad, she would repeat to herself over and over, I am not sad. As if she might one day convince herself. Or fool herself. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. Because her life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. She would fall asleep with her heart at the foot of her bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of her at all. And each morning she would wake with it again in the cupboard of her rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the mid afternoon she was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad.

Jonathan Safran Foer - Everything is Illuminated

bedtime, my favourite time & the lure that pulls me through each day


  1. So beautiful and so very sad, sometimes we all have days and nights like this.
    Wonderful images of your world and dear Miss Winnie dear Susan.
    I like bedtime also, no-one to hold me and love me but I always have a cat or three to remind me that I matter.
    Love and hugs
    xoxoxo ♡

  2. I always have two kitties at the foot of my bed. They are my heart.

  3. Poignant post Susan. We must all be "cat ladies". Roswell, my bald Sphynx cat sleeps under the covers to keep warm. The other cats just pile on wherever.

  4. Hi Dianne, Even those of us who do have a human (or cats & dogs) to hold & love us, we must learn to hold & love ourselves first & foremost, that's what I am practicing though I sure have a long way to go. Judy I will be sending you that High Res floral jogs soon. Nonjour M. Sybil - cats & books & dogs & cozy flannel sheets just in from the line - heaven xoxo Susan


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